Carbon monoxide

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Ćárbon Monôxíde - Famous French poet (1895-1919) inspired by side effects of Frog Sniffing. Died of syphilis and hysteria at the age of 23. His work is rare and highly appreciated by modern society of intellectuals.

Ordinary people describe his poetry as "a dull shit". Literature scholars consider him as a colourless person that may cause nausea and vomiting by his bare words.

Life of monsieur Monôxíde[edit]


Ćárbon Andre Gaspar-Guillaume Le bon-bon de Marseille Monôxíde was born on the western coast of France. His father lived his whole life in Ireland. So it is still a mystery how his semen managed to travel from Ireland to Europe.

Some specialists consider it as a result of:

  • Gulf Stream's negative effect
  • Poor water condition at that time
  • Popularity of low-cost vacations at the cheap French hotels
  • Asexual reproduction. Like in case of Jesus Skywalker

Poet's mother, Francoise Monoxide, spent her youth at the Frankfort University of Central Kentucky studying languages as Latin and tongue of pre-historical baboons. However, her career-pursuit wasn't very efficient with that kind of education level and after owing money to a Canadian Grizzly Bear she fled back to her home country, France. There she stayed during the mating season and later was going to move back to US. But circumstances went against her. After noticing clear signs of pregnancy, Françoise had no choice but to stay and dedicate her life to the unborn child she was carrying (and eventually keep Bear's money for herself).

It turned out, that her amount of care and love was really unnecessary. Françoise was murdered by Canadian Grizzly Bear and a couple of Mafia-moose right after the birth of young Ćárbon. The Grizzly Bear was later killed by Oprah. And the sentimental Moose decided to take care of the child and raise him in a "normal" kind of family. Even now, experts in child psychiatry, like Isaac Newton, are amazed about how traumatising this "normal" childhood may have been for a young poet. It could also serve as poet's source of endless inspiration. One of his early works is "I see a Moose". A really queer name for a poem, that doesn't fit in French literature, but however - being considered as a milestone. Here it is...

Je vois la moose,
Et déteste les pamplemousses.

At the age of 13, Ćárbon Monôxíde got his first salary as a copywriter. Later, he started to publish his work. Success and recognition of his poetry didn't come until the age of 23, which was also the year of his death. At that time he was deeply depressed and almost suicidal. His last poem is nothing more, but a statement many linguists would sell their soul to interpret...


His death was surrounded by confusion of coroners. Especially by the mysterious cause of his death. Three frogs and a toad were found in his left lung.

Post Scriptum Essenciale[edit]

Connection between his last poem and animals in his inner organs began to clarify when the modern narcotic-culture came to be. It finally came to a point, when the true addicts did realise that Frogs - are a good shit! And so, the mystery was solved: Ćárbon Andre Gaspar-Guillaume Le bon-bon de Marseille Monôxíde died of a Critical Frog Overdose and it seems that he enjoyed it very much.