Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 5

March 5: Festival of Violent Spasms (Turkey)

• 1437 - Italians in the Apulia region dance the tarantella in order to counter the effects of spider bites. Not only are the spiders highly amused, but Italian DJs accompanying the dancers adopt BPM (beats per minute) to keep the flow.
• 1777 - Hypnotoad wisely defects to the American side.
• 1914 - Preparations for the wildest party known to mankind are well underway.
• 1920 - Prohibition is instituted in the US and the party planners move to Canada to continue to stock up on booze, cocktail napkins and Ecstasy.
• 1947 - The wildest party known to mankind begins today. The death toll reaches the dozens in just the first hour.
• 1991 - Emperor George Bush Sr. takes over all of the Americas, except Hawaii, in retaliation for not being given the right address for the party.
• 1999 - Party almost stops over fear of the Y2K Bug. Then someone gets a fly swatter. Party continues.
• 2006 - Party nearly ends due to a Bird Flu epidemic. Ends with Bird Flu being deported to Britain and the death of Big Bird. Party continues.
• 2008 - Ten years after aliens from outer space destroyed a significant portion of the United States, including cities such as New York City and Washington, D.C., the world is still recovering from the damage. World leaders are still shaking hands, albeit carefully, and actor Will Smith has vowed to "kick E.T.'s ass" should Earth ever be invaded again.
• 5997 - End of the World. Turks party in Heaven with Allah and Jesus.