Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/December 28

December 28: Day of the Not-so-Innocents (Spain, Portugal, South America), Penis Appreciation Day

• 1597 BCE - The Thera volcano erupts, destroying the Minoan civilization. As it self-destructs, it apologizes and is thus absolved of any evil intent by the Minoan gods. The latter then retire to Leisure World in Arizona where they live to this day.
• 23 CE - Penis Appreciation Day is invented by Jesus. Not realising his mate Judas and the entire Roman army is less well hung, he would regret it one day.
• 401 - In a stroke of brilliance, Laszlo Guiltyashell becomes Pope and takes the name Innocent I. Cardinals would tire of him walking up to them and telling them "I'm Innocent!" and running away, cackling.
• 1209 - Pope Innocent III orders the extermination of the Cathars. As washing his hands of the whole thing has already been done and by a pagan besides, he instead absolves himself, declaring himself innocent. Audible clicks from millions of eye-rolls are heard as far away as China.
• 1724 - Tiring of his name, Pope Innocent XIII attempts to change it, without success. Ironically, his death in a freak accident would begin the observance of Friday the 13th.
• 1892 - After being beaten to the patent for the steam-powered armadillo by others, Rudolf Diesel invents and builds the first acting robot, Vin Diesel.
• 2004 - Deciding they like Mondays, superheroes plan a combined assault on Bob Geldof. After an hour of the Hoff's singing and Mr T's pitying, the devastating blow comes when Darth Vader tells Geldof who his father is. This causes him to spontaneously combust all over Pauline Fowler's scowl.
• 2006 - Uncyclopedians lose count at the sheer number of anniversaries with penises in them.
• 2007 - World economy goes into meltdown as Penis Appreciation Day lasts until August 15th 2008. This only ends when lesbians attempt to seize control of the earth. Millions would die in the conflict.
• 2009 - It is rumoured that Bob Geldof will return to fight the final battle between good and evil one day. The Vatican, the CIA and Michael Stipe all deny this.
• 2072 - America elects its new emperor, The Noid.