Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/August 26

August 26: Creationism Vs. Evolution Annual Boxing Match Day, International Ameobic Birthday

• 200,000,000,000,000,000 BCE - God creates existence. By creating existence, and simultaneously existing before existence, He created a paradox that came alive and tore a hole in the universe. Out of that hole, several thousand extremely surprised roadside diner waitresses named "Tiff" floated out and suddenly (and not that surprisingly) die of asphyxiation.
• 12,032 BCE - The wheel is invented by Sally and Bill Thompson from Scunthorpe, UK.
• 5000 BCE - Creationists devolve from Homo sapiens.
• 1303 - Ala-ud-din Khilji wins Chittoor. It was behind door number 3.
• 1567 - A great feast held by Duke Crisco The Lard is held at his home in Edinburgh. The resulting mass cannibalism is attributed to the duke's great hunger for "Scots".
• 1963 - August 26th is designated the official birthday of all ameobas by their UN Representative.
• 1971 - The discovery that God created evolution makes scientists and theologians come together in a peace pact signed by the seventh incarnation of Charles Darwin, a slightly confused chimpanzee named BoBo, and the Mecha-Pope, a blue 1965 Oldsmobile named Oldsmobile Model #32415 Serial:45563901.
• 1980 - The peace pact ends when Jerry Falwell decides to test everyone's faith by defying logic, saying that the entire universe was created in a 7 24 hour day period.
• 1981 - The right wing nutjobs abandon science and logic to be creationists, while the liberal sissies abandon all hope of spiritual salvation and Heaven to be evolutionists.
• 1990 - At a creation/evolution debate, creationists kick the evolutionist's asses when they use the argument: Where did the ball that started the big bang come from?
• 1997 - God, seeing all the confusion between the creationists and evolutionists, reacts to it by doing absolutely nothing.
• 2025 - A pastor begins to question creationism.
• 2040 - After 60 years of pointless debates from 2 sides which both have truth, creationists and evolutionists come together once again and finally agree that God created evolution. There is now peace on Earth and everyone lives happily ever after.