Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 29

April 29: Meatball Awareness Day, Five Second Rule Fatalities Memorial Day

• 2400 BCE - In the earliest recorded instance of a Dear John letter, Cleopatra leaves her husband Caesar using a well-placed papyrus scroll.
• c.1755 BCE - The five second rule is instituted in the Code of Hammurabi. It is quickly determined that dogs can't tell time nor do they obey human laws.
• 115 CE - The Kitos War between Romans and Jews is ignited when Jews are required to replace matzah balls with meatballs.
• 1047 - Pope Clement II changes the five second rule to the ten second rule, extending his life by five seconds before being poisoned.
• 1429 - Joan of Arc leads an army in relief of besieged Orléans, carrying tons of meatballs for its defenders. Those in Orléans would later note that while appreciating the gesture, the overcooked meatballs could have been better used as cannonballs to destroy the besieging army.
• 1770 - James Cook lands at Botany Bay, Australia and is immediately bitten by a snake, a spider, a goanna, a sand shark, dingoes and a wombat. As he crawls back to his boat, he looks over his shoulder to see a bunyip mooning him. This traditional greeting would fail to impress.
• 1862 - New Orleans falls to Union forces under Admiral David Farragut. Ironically, 100 years later, Union forces prove the eventual undoing of the manufacturing sector.
• 1945 - The German military in Italy unconditionally surrenders to the Allies. Later, Allied forces would attribute their swift victory to the food allergies of the German forces, specifically to meatballs.
• 1954 - On a dare, a group of drunken Oxford engineering students builds Stonehenge in just under 5 hours in the middle of the night.
• 1968 - The controversial musical Hair, based on an Oscar Wilde work, opens on Broadway.
• 1988 - Video kills the Radio Star. Video is promptly arrested.
• 2004 - The most famous episode of The Osbournes airs, with Ozzy trying to figure out how to eat a meatball using a lawnmower.