From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Dear John letter
center
Dear future murder victim nr. 78,
By the time you read this, I'll be howling strangely in the streaming moonlight.
I'm sorry for leaving you this way, but your feelings are inherently less valuable than mine.
I know this might seem like an episode of Days of Our Lives
to you, seeing as we made all those plans to kidnap a first-grade school class together, but I just don't see things working out that way.
I'm sorry about this — but another officer is at the door - I'll write more in an hour. I just need to enter "4 8 15 16 23 42" into my command prompt every 108th minute.
I want to tell you that I think you are ...unusually odorous, in a good way... sometimes, but I don't think we're right for each other.
First of all, we're not really compatible. You are the latest addition to my evergrowing list of people I'm planning to kill,
and I am disappointed.
You like bungee jumping from church steeples, big butts, and dissecting frogs with butterknives,
and I'm just not sure I can ever share your joy in those things.
How can two people so different ever make it for the long haul? I think we should date other species.
But I want you to know that I'll think of you whenever I walk past the ape cages at the zoo.
I'd really like us to become born-again strangers,
if that's okay with you. I think we can do it.
We had some good times, even if they only lasted a few microseconds.
Take care of yourself and never forget that I'm much happier without you.
Greetings,
~ That old woman next door.
|
Featured Article (read another featured article)
