UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20140328
Uncyclopedia's stripper returns
The wallpaper has now been stripped and the wall is looking pretty bland, if not bare. The new wallpaper has been ordered but the heavy rain has delayed the delivery for a week or two. In the meantime the Chief has returned to Uncyclopedia after a spell at DIY wallpapering (or maybe he does it for a career!). The official recognition from the Chief came when his name was added to UN:AA and he was duly welcomed by many aghast users.
Incidently Romartus, the current Grand Master of Uncyclopedia has gone suspiciously silent on his propaganda campaign of "Gone for good" in which he attempted to discredit the Chief's time as Grand Master and Uncyclopedia history before Romartus' time.
The Chief has helped improve a wide variety of aspects of the site. He has settled arguments, given out bans, voted on VFD and VFH and even slipped in a Pee Review. All this on top of working on articles of his own. UnSignpost welcomes him back with open arms and legs and mouth and nose and any other orifices we might have and hopes he stays with us until the wallpaper arrives.
Many of our readers have already written in expressing their excitement at the news with some mentioning that his name fits his job title as Chief of this site. Something that the Chief shares with Judge Judge (the current Lord Judge) and Wanker the Banker*.
*UnSignpost takes as much legal responsibility for slagging off bankers in its article as bankers do for their affairs and money laundering - none at all!
Expanding our userbase
In the past few months the number of active users on Uncyclopedia was recorded at around 220 with most being once or twice a month edits. On the forum: New user recruitment and retention Shabidoo put forward the point that he'd only seen 1.5 new users per year recently. Admin Spike claimed that this was preposterous notion and that more like 1.5 new users joined per week. This debate may have been down to confusion over the definitions of new users. Shabidoo was refering to new regular users, users that had stayed on and become part of the core community, whereas Spike was refering to any new user. Spike did agree though that the site was not social enough for accepting new users but was becoming more so.
Other users then debated over whether the aim was to retain more users or recruit more users. It turned out that many users were recruited, became active for a month or two and then fell into retirement. Perhaps then the answer was to retain the current users and recruitment will sort itself out. However as ScottPat pointed out, the crap quality of the articles on this site may be putting off a lot of general public readers and thus hindering recruitment and we may just have to wait it out until we've cleaned up the site more.
As we extend Uncyclopedia into the new age of the future and re-build the site to its former glory how will the community have to change to deal with it? Should we be restarting parts of the website or strengthening our administration? The vote on new sysops has ended in pretty much a draw with the userbase split for and against leading to a conclusion that no new admins will be elected at the moment. As always UnSignpost encourages you to keep writing and keep dancing.
Votes for Pictures restarted
UnSignpost may have gone silent for a while my good readers but silent it is no more. For today we explain our silence on UnSignpost as our efforts were instead spent on restarting VFP earlier this month. It was here that the subject was brought to the attention of the Uncyclopedia community. And thus many users and admins were arroused in an erotic fettish - the chance to start up another part of the site.
After much persuasion our grand eternal leader Romartus took up the role as admin responsible for VFP, cleared out the mould and cobwebs and announced it re-open. This led to two prompt features including the first of them, noob User:Macboswell's Holy Discharge image.
All we can hope for now is that VFP stays open and is continuously used by users on the site. Otherwise as Shabidoo warned it may just fall into a semi-active state of motionless eternity once again. UnSignpost encourages you to nominate and vote to keep this wonderful arm of the site open. Let the odour from its armpit fill the site with a happier future for all. Hopefully this can encourage users to be creative in their writing and their imagery.
From the desk of the Uncyclopedia Cabal
Before I say anything at all, I would like to correct some lies told by UnSignpost editors and other, normal users.
The rumors about our database increasing are all false: even Shabidoo, who estimated it to be around 1.5 new users per year, made an enormous exaggeration. We don’t have any new users at all and our database records 0 people who have made at least one edit in the past 30 days.
But I hear you say: “And what about old users returning? Hasn’t the activity increased because of them?” To which we would like to respond: “You have been misinformed. None of the ‘old’ users has ever come back. Please, read the official newspaper and not some left-wing propaganda.” Indeed, all the rumors about ChiefjusticeDS’s coming back are false. Mhaille did not return in the same way that BlueSpiritGuy, HELPME, Docile hippopotamus, Unununium and many others didn’t. And no, Chiefjustice has not written two more reviews and doesn’t have 200 Pee Reviews all in all now.
We would not like to re-welcome every person who dared not re-join the Uncyclopedia community. We think that you will not do this either.
However, the Communist agitprop got very deep into the minds of our poor, but not very innocent readers, and there were many talks about how different parts of the site have been revived. Revived? What does this word even mean? For those of you who lack love for their country to read the official announcements, it has recently been suppressed from the all the official dictionaries! Please choose what you say carefully next time.
So we would like to put an end to all the false news and here is the list of everything that has not been revivedsurrected:
You are welcome not to contribute to any of these pages because they are not active.
On the other hand, Mhaille (who has not come back) proposed creating an army of rule-bound marionettes that would extinguish all the activity on this site once and for all. This is a truly patriotic idea and we think that an invincible desire of supporting it will rise from the bottom of your heart.
The last but not the least, the last UnSignpost you have seen dates back to the year 2013 (the beginning of it) and even that one was an illusion. This means that you have not and are definitely not reading anything of that kind and if you have (or even worse - are), we will help you find a good doctor, who will get these dangerous thoughts out of your mind.
Top nominations and features
Top 3 nominations:
- HowTo:Fry an egg (5/0)
- Police (4/0)
- Auguste Escoffier (4/0)
VFH highlight of the week:
- Cracker Jack (7/0)
Free work force needed
A special message from the UnSignpost editors to you
As you might have noticed, our generous UnCabalistic Government has provided you with some important news (which you have already learnt by heart and started repeating on the street, we hope). It was announced that Uncyclopedia is not active at all and has never been such.
This implies that we all rely on you, dear reader! You, who instead of reading this article could have voted on VFH, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, you, who instead of leaving votes on pages with strange names, could have contributed to the Pee Reviews, Uncyclopedia:Collaboratory, UnSignpost, you, who could have written dozens of brilliant articles (be aware of the fact that the word ‘brilliant’ was only used in order to catch your attention)!
You are our last hope! Not the person behind your back (though he is as well, if he is reading this), not your brother, sister, parent, son, daughter, grandchild, friend, enemy, teacher, pupil, dog, cat, but you. We are all helpless without you! (Please note that this was another phrase written merely to make a good impression on you.)
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