UnNews:UK may pull out of Eurovision in 2016

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26 May 2015

Not nul points but close enough.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister David Cameron has promised a referendum on Great Britain's continued membership of the Eurovision Song Contest for 2016. In a 'dry run' for a 2017 referendum to vote 'in or out' of the European Union, the new Conservative Party government will bring forward legislation (with the help of Andrew Lloyd Webber) to see if there is any point in the UK taking part in an 'annual musical farce'.

Following the vote humiliation of only five votes in this year's contest from the British entry Electro Velvet, Cameron said legislation will be introduced so that everyone in Britain can decide if they want to carry on the contest or make Stockholm the host city for 2016.

"When Britain first joined this event in the 1950s, the rules were easy," said Cameron. "People sang in their own funny languages and we always came in the top 10. But now, everyone (except a few nationalistic hold-outs) sings in American English and looks fantastic in dresses, which is just not fair. So I want to negotiate a new deal for Britain in 2016. We either start with a 10 vote advantage or I will recommend a vote out and we can then join Soul Train or whatever they have in North America these days."

Home Secretary Theresa May said 'primary' legislation will be ready by early 2016 which will give everyone enough time to discuss the pros and cons of remaining in Eurovision. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said he would be definitely leading the 'outs' and recommended Britain get more involved in world music and forget the 'backward Europeans' and their love of silly songs. Farage said:

"Gangnam Style showed us where Britain should really be competing. Let's find our own silly people to perform silly songs. I would naturally like to represent this country in a future singing contest. I have a good voice and — after six pints and two boxes of cigarettes — my Leonard Cohen impersonation will wipe the floor, as my followers keep telling me."

UPDATE: Nicola Sturgeon and Alex Salmond said they would be happy to let Scotland enter the competition if the rest of the UK leave. Sturgeon said Scottish singers were world-famous, but ruled out anything sung in kilts, or by Rod Stewart.

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