UnNews:Trump breaks the Moustache Mafia

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Where man always bites dog ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, January 15, 2026, 16:11:59 (UTC)
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15 January 2026

The Gang of Four:John Bolton, Nicolas Maduro, Saddam Hussein and Julian Pringles

WASHINGTON DC,USA -- USA president Donald Trump is celebrating his success in 'breaking the moustache mafia' after American soldiers captured Venezuelan strong man Nicolas Maduro and flew him to New York.

"This is the greatest day in American history since George Washington crossed the Delaware. No other leader of this country has achieved what I have done. We have broken the Moustache Mafia. God Bless America."

Referencing John Bolton and the late Saddam Hussein of Iraq as leaders of the 'fascist facial fungus clique,' Trump said he made his decision to seize Maduro after a game of golf.

"This is the new Golden Age for American might. We've got the Venezuelan oil and will soon take Greenland off Denmark. Next stop will be Mars with our modern day Christopher Columbus, Elon Musk."

The new leader of the Moustache Mafia is Julian Pringles whose familiar smiling face on tubes of potato chips is now the new face of evil. Trump has demanded Pringles mascot 'get clean shaven' or get 'redacted'.


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