UnNews:RaceTogether races to oblivion

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Friday, April 19, 2024, 23:30:59 (UTC)

RaceTogether races to oblivion UnNews Logo Potato.png

22 March 2015

Schultz explains to staff that the sudden about-face in its campaign to do the right thing is the right thing.

SEATTLE, Washington -- Starbucks chief Howard Schultz beat a hasty retreat from the recent campaign to get its "baristas" to nag customers about race. Employees were "given the option" of writing "Race together" on every coffee cup, the other option being to seek employment elsewhere.

Schultz said the attempt to serve condescension along with coffee "is far from over" — that instead of the notorious U.S. decision in Vietnam to "declare victory and leave," Schultz intends to declare defeat and leave boots on the ground.

The #RaceTogether campaign was met with condemnation on social media, the average thin-skinned Starbucks patron accusing the chain that wanted him to think more about race of doubting his current passion to declare himself the furthest thing from a racist about twice an hour.

Go to the Front Page
UnNews Senior Editors are currently furiously fact-checking this related article:

Competitors race to match Starbucks abuse of customers

Surely stung by the incisive coverage in dependable news outlet UnNews, Schultz released a letter to staff on Sunday. "This hasn't been easy for you....We didn't expect universal praise," in contrast to the usual rich executive who authors a campaign of sanctimony.

Schultz said Starbucks plans more corporate consciousness-raising, with an upcoming campaign raising awareness of addiction to caffeine.

Sources[edit]