UnNews:Hillary barks like a dog
| We have met the enemy, and he is us | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 05:55:59 (UTC) |
| Hillary barks like a dog | 
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16 February 2016
RENO, Nevada -- Beset by unshakeable accusations that she lacks the qualifications to be U.S. President, Democratic Party candidate Hillary Clinton has addressed the charges head-on and showed that she is fit to serve in the most important respect: being able to bark like a dog.
The proof came as Ms. Clinton was disparaging Republican claims that the recession was "caused by too much regulation." She said it was just silly to criticize holding up bank license renewals until banks agreed to issue a lot of mortgages to people who could not show how they would ever pay them back. At that point, Ms. Clinton spontaneously began barking.
Ms. Clinton's rebuttal must have used "dog-whistle" expressions, because members of her audience joined in the barking. She never got to the rest of the speech, calling Republicans equally mistaken for criticizing the Bill Clinton-era "firewall" that kept the FBI and CIA from comparing notes before the September 11 attacks.
The onus would now seem to be on Ms. Clinton's opponent for the nomination, Bernie Sanders, to learn "new tricks" of his own, beyond growling at Wall Street and running in tight circles as though chasing his tail. Both candidates have a long way to go to match the career-ending feral noise emitted by Howard Dean after the 2004 Iowa caucuses.
Across the aisle, Donald Trump cast doubt on his pact never to leave the Republican kennel, showing that anytime any adversary begins to nip at his heels, every commitment he has ever made with third parties is void. (He said this is one way he has become such a successful businessman and will be a fabulous President, truly fabulous, I assure you, you just don't know how fabulous, it'll be great.) Trump also inexplicably diverted an entire debate to weapons of mass destruction, a topic that has not been at issue in eight years and has never worked to the benefit of Trump's adopted political party.
Polls showed that Trump's appeal in New Hampshire crossed all demographic groups. While the CNN/ORC poll did not poll dogs, Trump presumably has the support of 42% of canines (though not orcs).
President Barack Obama dismissed Trump as an "unserious" candidate. "I continue to believe Mr. Trump will not be president," he said in California. "I have a lot of faith in the American people." He added that history has shown that Americans cannot be swayed with a simplistic message of hope that carries subtle racial overtones.
Elsewhere in South Carolina, America's most endearing animal act, Jeb Bush, sought to wag the tail of his own campaign off dead center by campaigning jointly with the nation's dog of an ex-President.
Sources[edit]
- Catherine Cannon "Hillary Clinton attacks GOP by barking like a dog". CBS News, February 17, 2016
- Dave Boyer "Obama blasts Trump, ‘unserious’ GOP presidential candidates". Washington Times, February 16, 2016