UnNews:Gods launch wiki-Bible

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Democracy Dies with Dignity UnNews Monday, June 17, 2024, 00:18:59 (UTC)

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16 January 2007

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God ceremonially makes his first edit to the Ten Commandments in more than 3,000 years, adding commandment 11: "Thou shalt not be furry".

EXACTLY ABOVE WASHINGTON DC, HEAVEN — Following the success of the Crisis in Infinite Jerusalems in regard to erasing existing religious canon, the few still surviving Gods have announced that they are handing control over their religions' Holy Texts to humanity, effectively releasing them into the public domain.

"This is not as easy decision," comments God of Earth-Two. "Our dominant religious model over centuries involved copyrighting as much as we could, so that impostors such as the RIAA and Jehovah's Witnesses would be unable to declare themselves gods. But times are changing, and we're ready to give away our intellectual property — even though some old-school folks among us, like Allah or Mammon, think that it would limit our ability to control the world."

As explained by Satan of Earth-Three, formerly the only protector of Good on a planet dominated by omnipotent Absolute Evil, this is being done to ensure the absence of discrepancies the post-Crisis religious continuity. "Of course, we fully realize the possible consequences," he comments, "and we're ready to give up some of our especially implausible powers to have appeal among a broader, potentially more skeptical audience."

The new Holy Texts, using the well-received wiki concept, are hosted under the name "WikiWrit" and have been promoted by David Morgan-Mar, formerly the only deity on the all-skeptical Earth-Lego. It will expected that the new canon will surpass in size the Talmud and the Qu'ran together by mid-2007.

The news was, for the most part, enthusiastically received by religious people and atheists alike (with the exception of St. Ignucius, who, despite being generally supportive, only agrees to consecrate the act if it will include the Seven Commandments of GFDL), but also by those who lost their divine status during the chaos of the Crisis. It also attracted attention of those who lost their divine status on the post-Crisis Earth.

Says S. Meiou, once the Guardian of Time on Earth-直子 and a victim of the Crisis: "While I hardly expect the wiki writers to reinstate Pluto as a planet, they will definitely find a workaround and retcon my powers back. And when they do, I'll Dead Scream the hell out of the IAU, I swear to Athe. I mean, the Gods. Whatever are still left."