UnNews:God recalls 240,000 men

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10 July 2014

God did an 'Ed' recall.

LOS ANGELES, California --

The recall covers major and minor defects.

This year's record wave of male recalls continued with God calling back about 240,000 men in North America, including Blacks, Whites, and "a buttload" of Chicano's. Few Asians, Pacific Islanders, and Native American men were recalled as for the most part, they don't cause too many problems.

The recalls included more than 10,000 men with attitude issues, 20,000 men with hostility problems, 30,000 men with personality disorders, and all the rest of the men were due to errors in critical thinking.

Tuesdays action by God demonstrates how dieties are recalling males. Toltec, the Aztec God from the fifth age melted 700,000 narcissistic Latino males, their sorry asses still in their new black jeans and everything. Kwaku Ananse, the trickster god of West Africa (who often times takes the shape of a spider "and is considered to be the god of all knowledge of stories"), dashed 500,00 Black men for their lying, bullshitting, and "cheatin' ass ways", on rocks at the sea. The child-eating Celtic God 'Bugbear' recycled 600,000 white American males for a variety of errors including but not limited to: Poor management of finances, stupid facial hair, alcohol, marijuana, and cocaine use, and having big muscles on their arms, shoulders, and pecs while simultaneously having little teeny-tiny muscles on their calves. He tossed them screaming and begging for mercy into a gigantic wood chipper and placed the bloody mulch into his compost heap out back to be used as nourishment for his tomato plants and magnolias.

Women first reacted with shock but quickly relished their newly found stress-free lives. Many have begun to learn the basics of automotive repair to be able to help themselves.