UnNews:Cows accused of eating infected spinach

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Straight talk, from straight faces

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 08:18:59 (UTC)

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8 October 2006

Soon to be the last of surviving cows.

SAN FERNANDO VALLEY, California -- There has been a immediate product recall of all factory farmed beef in America, Antarctica, the Pacific Ocean and surrounding islands, after it became known that not only had all of Farmer John's cows become infected with the deadly E.Coli bug, but those of Farmers Joe and Jack had been living on a steady diet of E.Coli infected spinach for the past six months.

"Bush is the Devil, it's his fault", the president of Venezuela is thought to have commented, prompting a biting comeback by George Bush Senior. "Well, he's an ass" was the reported statement.

In a completely unprecedented move, Kanye West was asked for his view of the affair, and replied that "George Bush don't care about E.Coli".

The World Meat Association gave us "No comment".

The backlash has spread across the world like wildfire. North Korea launched E.Coli infested missiles into South Korea, causing South Koreans to increase their daily dog intake to supplement the beef rations.

The Pope this morning died from an accidental intake of beef, causing the Vatican to excommunicate both E.Coli and its various farmers.

Vegetarians across the world have been celebrating in the streets, although this has prompted widespread violence as crowds have taken to meat cleavers in an attempt to halt the tide of gloating.

A tidal wave of blame is also spreading fast. In panic, the world has blamed Canada for the E.Coli epidemic, who have then gone on, backed by Europe blaming the USA. George Bush blames the Democrats, gays, abortionists and the Arabian Peninsula.

By tomorrow analysts declare that the world's last two cows will have been eaten. All hope is lost.

Sources

• UnNews Staff "Spinach. It's what's for dinner.". UnNews, October 8, 2006