UnNews:Children's storytime reader fired for inappropriate behavior

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5 March 2007

Oh ah I got a pain in my side!

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OAKLAND COUNTY, Michigan -- Director of the Oakland County Library, Jenna Talia, announced yesterday that the library's long serving children's storytime reader and puppet show master, Mike Hunt, has been let go for inappropriate behavior in front of young children aged 3 to 7.

When we contacted the library for more information, the library's Assistant Director, Hugh G. Wreckshin had this to say, "Several of our mothers were quite disturbed by Mike's storytime hour program. He had brought in several felines from the local animal shelter for the children to pat, while he read to them. However, instead of continuing on reading their GLAAD approved book for youngsters, Margaret Attwood's Handmaid's Tale, like he was supposed to, he instead chose to get the children to sing some sexually suggestive pop music songs by a foreign artist known as Raffi."

Mr Wreckshin then elaborated, "The song titles alone were a red flag to me, I mean: Bumping up and Down, Bananaphone, and this last one nearly set me over the edge, I Wonder If I'm Growing, complete with him pointing at his crotch while the children sang along. He claimed he was pointing at the cat, but please... It's not like this old periodical was just catalogued this week."

One of the concerned mothers, former stripper Anita Mann, was more upset about Mr Hunt's teachings after the sing-a-long. "He started showing the children how to huff kittens. Children! For fuck's sakes."

Another hysterical mom, Amanda Huggenkiss, claimed such songs are the reason why she home schools her brats. "I went to my eldest son's kindergarten class and I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth: 'Skina Marinky dinky d-dink, skinna marinky doo'. I pulled him from that school that same day."

Child psychology expert, E. Normus Johnson, wasn't concerned about the program's lasting affects on the kids. "Look, in their lifetime they're going to come in contact with plenty of dick, fart and oral sex jokes that I doubt they'll remember any of it. Penis be with you."


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