Chapter 1: An introduction to the Sun
Sun good. Sun big ball of fire in sky. Fire baaad. But sun good. Sun not close like fire. Sun warms. Sun no kill unless you stupid. Sun burn like fire. Sun burn slowly, fire burn fastly. Sun older than me. Sun older than you. Oooook. Sun discovered by Ug's great-grandfather Grug 42 years ago. Grug great astronomer. He also discover night sun. But enough about Ug's family. More about sun.Sun have baby head inside of it that smiles at you.
Chapter 2: What the sun does
Sun make light and warm. Make Ug happy. Sun can burn. Make you red. Oook. Wear sunscreen. Sunscreen make you no burn. Sun help make fire with magnifying glass. Sun make energy. Used with solar cells. Solar cells good. Make Ug able to watch cable TV. TV good to Ug. Ug like Jerry Springer. But Ug digest. Sun lots of inside nuclear reactions all the time. Nuclear reactions make sun work. Working sun good. Unworking sun very bad. That mean no light for day. No light for day mean plants die. No plants mean no herbal viagra. Ug cannot get it up without herbal viagra. So sun work, and everything good.
Chapter 3: Harmful effects of the sun
Sun can burn and make red. Sunscreen helps. Sun also make heat. Too much heat bad. Ook. Heat kill me father. Heat make water go away. Makes drought. Ug need water to live. Sun hates water. Sun bad. Sun give Uglina unhealthy tan. Oprah says unhealthy tans bad. Uglina should listen to Oprah. Sun have magnetic problem. Magnets mess up Ug's Tivo. Ug no able record CSI: Miami. Ug like CSI. Ug sad he no able watch CSI. Uh oh. Ug digress again. Too much sun give you skin cancer. Skin cancer very bad. CDC newsletter say skin cancer bad. But Ug no plagiarize from CDC newsletter. Plagiarism bad. Oook. Sun also burn out in many years. But that not for long time. Lucky Ug, Ug no be around when sun dies. But you might. Oook.
Chapter 4: Beneficial effects of the sun
Sun give Ug's cousin Chug good tan. Tan give vitamins to skin. Skin good. Oook. Sun give tans. Chicks dig tans. If Ug not married, Ug get sexy tan for ladies to ogle. Ug wish for annulment. Ug no like bitch of a wife who nags Ug to stop watching Wrestlemania and come to bed. Nag woman bad. But sun good. Oook. Sun also make Ug be able to call hole in roof of car a sunroof. That save Ug a lot of bitching from Uglina. Ug no like bitching and nagging. Bitching and nagging very bad. Ook.
Ug happy to write book for make knowledge. Ug like to thank Chug for idea, and Uglina for sticking along with Ug throughout. Ug congratulate editor for fixing grammar errors. Book no have more errors. No errors good. Ug also thank God for showing Ug light. But not sun's light, metaphorical light. Metaphorical light good for soul.
| Quasi-Featured Article (6 June 2007)|
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by an Uruk-hai, it didn't make the cut (12/18). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.