UnBooks:American Bill of Rights for Dummies

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Original cover sketch featuring the author of the book.

The American Bill of Rights For Dummies (people like you)

Author = Scruffy McGrn

Publisher = Hamilton and Burr

Release Date = September 15, 2004

No. of pages = 529

Language = English

American Bill of Rights for Dummies is a popular book created in late 2004 to help educate ignorant people about the American bill of rights. The book gives detail into the creation of the U.S. Constitution focusing on the Bill of Rights or the flirts ten amendments. The book was written by Scruffy McGovern a political activist and proud member of the democtaric party. He is also a dog. Here are some excerpts from his book including the Bill of Rights. Italics are McGovern's own words and explanations.

Bill of Rights According to Scruffy[edit]

This couple is not allowed to speak they're mind. And I'm not allowed to spell "their" correctly.
  • First Amendment – Freedom of speech, press, religion, peaceable assembly, and to petition the government.

This is a very important amendment. People use it freely everyday...Fuck! Look I said it, freedom of speech Can't Touch this! This amendment however is limited.

Second Amendment[edit]

– Right for the people to keep and bear arms.

Arms you are allowed to have in possesion.

NRA or the Right Arm are dedicated to making sure everyone has arms. These arms if used properly can; write, type, catch a football, grab a nice pair of boobs or pick your nose. If you were born without any arms then your rights have been infringed upon! You are allowed to sue the government.

Third Amendment[edit]

- Protection from quartering of troops.

See this if you enlist they can't do that to you.

If you join the military you are protected from being drawn and/or quartered. Before the passing of this amendment people could randomly come up to you in the street and cut you into pieces. Now it could still happen, but it would totally be a violation of your rights. However, there is a loop hole for this amendment if someone comes up and cuts you into three maybe two pieces of anything (five or over) they actually haven't infringed upon your rights. Only if the quarter you, meaning cut you up into four pieces.

Fourth Amendment[edit]

– Protection from unreasonable search and seizure.

This kid has no reason to be having a seizure...arrest him at once!

Quite frankly this amendment is pointless. It basically says that a person has to have a reason to search you and you have to have a reason for having a seizure. No random seizures are authorized! This amendment is rarely in need of practice because when you get pulled over and you have a dead hooker in your back trunk and a cop says the reason he wants to search your trunk is because he feels like it is considered reasonable. After all, you shouldn't have anything to hide...or do you?

Fifth Amendment[edit]

"No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation"

Seventh Amendment[edit]

– Civil trial by jury. This means your trial is going to be very civil, meaning; no foul language, provocative clothing and no hitting your lawyer every time he or she asks a stupid question or misrepresents you. You can ask not to have a civil trial and just have an all out brawl and whoever is left standing is innocent but convicts rarely choose this route because the security guards with hand guns usually win.

Ninth Amendment[edit]

– Protection of rights not specifically enumerated in the Bill of Rights.

This man is protected under the ninth amendment.

My ultimate favorite, the ninth clearly states that just because it's not mentioned in the Bill of Rights doesn't mean you aren't protected. For instance I'm protected in my right to mow my lawn butt naked. I have a right to key your shiny new car. And dammit you can't stop me: it's the ninth, bitch!

Tenth Amendment[edit]

– Powers of states and people

Suck on that Al Pachino!

If the government hasn't specified a law or rule in the constitution then the power goes to the states and the people. In short: since the constitution says nothing about laughing at poor innocent children as they attempt to get past you as you throw darts in their way, this is fully in your power... then again its also considered child abuse to some... those idiots. Don't they realise how fun this is? Similar to the ninth amendment, except you can cancel out the tenth with the ninth since the ninth only pertains to the Bill of Rights. Or something like that...

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