Twin Towers

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“I'd hit that”

~ Osama Bin Laden on The Twin Towers


Erected in Middle Earth in 911bc during the reign of the Lord Ronald Reagan, the Twin Towers guarded Middle Earth from the evil of the Dark Lord Sauron. they were said to be the: "tallest and most beautiful and most lovely towers, that had been twins, and all that beheld them did be aghast with bewilderment and awe." - The twin towers by George Arnold Tolkien. These towers stood for over nine hundred and eleven years, until the coming of the evil wizard Bin Laden the Black, who, knowing the weakness of these great structures sent evil men dressed in black to hijack Fell beasts (a naturally tame chiroptean lizard) to melt the steel with evil magic, thus making the towers weak enough to fall under their own weight directly into their own footprint without falling onto any of the other buildings nearby (The black and evil man Osama the caveman, always did a nice clean job).

"...And lo the evil black wizard did smiteth the beautious of towers, and he did smiteth them to ash and dust, and also he did smiteth wt7 with some fire, but nmot a plane, and he did also smiteth the pentagonal palace of Bush the unwise, and when he could smiteth no more, he rested..." - Revelations.

New York Kingdom was a much easier and more sacred target than The Vatican for starting a holy war against all of Christianity, for the Swiss Guard were Islam's oldest foes and the most powerful force to ever face the army of darkness, they would have just shot those air planes winged serpents down from the heavens with a fire ball spell from magus John Paul II and the wizard priests of the church of the unwanted pregnancy.

It was rather fortunate the armies of darkness had no idea how to divide and conquer and decided to attack NYK, rather than The Holy Woods during the annual awarding of golden idols, (the Golden Globes, SAG Awards, Emmys, Grammys and Tonys also would have worked.) Kitsune News would rather be caught dead before rallying behind the deaths of a bunch of liberal celebrities, turning them into martyrs and in the process promoting a bunch of causes they hate. The Great House of the Republicans would have just said it was God’s wrath against Neo Sodom, and it would have polarized the country straight down party great house lines, tearing the land in twain.

Hypothesises about the destruction of The Twin Towers[edit]

Government VS Rogue Grues[edit]

After being transported to New York Kingdom by Osama Bin Ladden's majic cave portal - two Grues entered the twin towers and killed most of the people inside. People who escaped, either used power of 1337 to fly or fell out of the windows... ouch! Numerous S.W.A.T. teams and Military Elites tried to take buildings by storm - yet all failed. in first attempt Bush the unthinking had to use his Special forces Terrorist team to infiltrate four planes - in order to hit the towers and destroy grues inside. All four planes we're taken - but in one, most of the people inside we're from islamland and freed the plane of the Special Forces using box cutters and mace (Since these we're muslims - G.W.Bush began the persecution of the muslims). Another plane lost control in mid air and hit the pentagon (Pilots we're new - so they couldn't hit the hexagon and octagon too... N00B5!OOMGLOLWTF1!!!).

Music Torture[edit]

It was a normal day. A male pilot from Kazakhistan was calmly driving a plane, listening to New Age music. All of a sudden, Slayer comes on the radio with their song "Angel of Death". The pilot screams in pain and tries desperately to change the station. Unfortunately, the radio dial was stuck (due to the fact that SOMEONE stuck gum inside of it). Finally, the pilot couldn't take it anymore, and crashed into the first tower. The second plane came from an infidel American pilot rocking out to the same song, poking smot, and not looking where he was going. Idiot.