SiDoes
“HOLY SHIT! Why aren't you wearing a shirt? Go put a Shirt on! You look like 200lbs of bird shit!”
“There are no words.”
“This guy treats objects like women, man.”
Tom Anderson is a man, he knows nothing, he talks all the time, the result is he's a trenchant buffoon, he has no idea how to take digital photographs nor has an even rudimentary understanding of how the internet works, he looks ridiculous in that fashion-wear, he swans around all the time hoping that people will recognize him, when in fact no-body's even remotely interested, he's taken up enough of this wiki already and he hasn't even opened his mouth, god knows why he's here, I don't know anything about the guy and I care even less, and for all I know he may well be a bit of a cocoa shunter too. So, about Tom Anderson. Oh, wait, it appears I have just accidentally typed the introduction to that godawful website SiDoes. Oh well.
Early Years[edit]
In 1966, SiDoes gained recognition after it's owner, Si, was voted the World's Number One Internet Lack of Personality for being "A smarmy maggot who's so full of himself he hasn't realized he's getting on a bit and everyone around him is wondering who this over-the-hill, sexist, disgusting toss pot is who flomps around events with no shirt on, desperately craving some sort of attention that would turn up the nose of even the likes of Corey Delaney." He received this astonishing accolade basically for doing nothing with his life except stalking celebrities then standing next to, or, in more extreme cases, holding the girl like he's just married the poor thing. Seriously, this man calls himself a photographer, but he's in the photo as much as his unfortunate subject, and then, to make matters even worse, he's oiled his aging, steroid filled skin up more than the model and does this rancid, eighties Hasselhoffian pose that leaves you feeling very ill for days.
Critical Acclaim[edit]
In 2007, Si accidentally stumbled upon a Matalan in the outskirts of his hometown, Barnsley. On entrance to this strange new world, Si discovered that he could finally afford a shirt. He then discovered some even more amazing things. On his way home, he was no longer stopped by members of the general public and asked if he was homeless, and even better, he was no longer bundled into the back of a Police van, beaten and tagged when he walked past local schools! Sadly, Si was not to enjoy his seeing of sense long.
Death[edit]
On his way home from Matalan, Si was struck by a Volvo Hearse. Due to the Hearse being used for a funeral at the time it was not going at excessive speed, but Si did not recover. His steroid and crack cocaine fueled bloodstream went into meltdown, and he spontaneously combusted eighteen times.
Nobody cared about Si's death and even fewer attended his funeral. The site is still up to this day, left to rot on the putrid, crusty cesspool of the arse end of the world wide internet.
SiDoes is not to be mistaken with GLaDOS, a completely different entity altogether.