Seven Wonders of the World

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“The best New Age sound since the Bronze Age”

~ Oscar Wilde

The Seven Wonders perform their pacemaker stopping song: The Hokey Cokey.

Seven Wonders of the World (Greek: Επτά θαύματα του αρχαίου κόσμου) was the primordial boy-band and the first one hit wonder group, formed by Archimedes, Aristotle, Heraclitus, Plato, Democritus, Pythagoras and Thrasyllus of Mendes, also known to be first likable foreign boy-band member. Socrates is sometimes called the Eight Wonder but he was the band's manager.

The band was heavily criticised for 'being very Greek' at the time. Former band members Nebuchadnezzar (now Neb of Babylon 5 ), and Princess Diana of Ephesus (now dead) had left/been forced out in arguments about musical direction and whether to sacrifice goats on Tuesdays or not. Another person rejected by the group was Stevie Wonder as the band feared he was trying to copyright their band name.

Early history[edit]

The Seven Wonders were widely known as the pioneers of the Hemlock Hippy genre in Ancient Greece, following Egypt's Giza Pyramid Walkers in popularity. The'Wonders' 124 BC release from Thebes Records, Oh, Eureka!, enjoyed enormous success in the charts. The scrolls show that all members moved to the Acropolis, into a temple (ancient word for crib) with a vomitarium and Roman slipper bath. All day they had musical orgies in their courtyards, smoked opium and continuously praised the Lesser-God of Crappy Melodies, Lionel Richie.

The Three Kings became wonders with the abandoned Seven Wonders song.

The band's success flabbergasted many authorities like Apollo and Pan, though the latter was amused. They went on a world tour and played in international concerts to barbaric tribes, where the Mosh was invented. Their hit song from the album, "Olive Trees Forever", for a time, became like a national anthem in Greece and resulted in an interest by Rome for the Hellenistic Culture, as well as the Hedonistic Culture that followed..

Later history[edit]

After a hapless declaration by Plato, saying that they are "bigger than Zeus and certainly hotter than that bearded fellow Moses", the band faced some blasphemic difficulties. A visit to the Temple of Zeus proved unsuccessful and their contract with Thebes was shortly canceled by the company. In 100 BC, they were working on a reunion single called "We Seven Kings of Athens Are" but after Archimedes was found drowned in his bathtub, the project had to be dropped. This traditional rhyme became the famous We Three Kings of Orient Are, after Michael Jackson sold the rights to the song to the first Christian pop band ever, Three Kings.


Oh, Eureka! (124 BC)[edit]

Their debut album went straight to number 1. in the Crete Music Express charts.

  1. Olive Fields Forever
  2. Ithacian Wood (This God Has Flown)
  3. Helios in the Sky with a Phaidon
  4. Third God From the Sun
  5. Midnight Carriage to Thessaloniki
  6. You're Beautiful (It's True)
  7. Me and Mrs. Penelope
  8. Leave A Horse Before You Go Go
  9. Γαμώτο, Είστε ηλίθιος
  10. Messin' with the Hoi Polloi

The band did record a second album but it wasn't released until 2,000 years later. Its contents are said to be 'utterly lewd' and unfit for a family edition of uncyclopedia to chronicle.