Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/September 8

September 8: International Precision Day

• Sometime - Someone invents like counting or something.
• 4200 BCE - Climate control is invented when someone leans against a wall and creates the first window.
• 1 CE - 2:05:32 PM: Counting is invented by a female human named Digits Counting, 1.745 meters tall, after 4 hours, 8 minutes and 16 seconds of thinking about the problem of shortening sales reports.
• 70 - 6:12:55 AM - 11:03:44 PM Roman legions under the command of Titus sack Jerusalem.
• 653 - The VCR is invented; for what reason we do not know but it's usually something to do with porn.
• 959 - Astronomer Chen Wu calculates the exact point of impact of a meteorite he had observed just minutes earlier. In his excitement, he fails to run like hell from where he is standing and the calculation method is lost, as is Chen.
• 1930 - 3M begins marketing Scotch transparent tape, which sells better than Scotch transparent crayon.
• 1939 - Thinking it was done by children, horrified Belgian and French mothers clean off Scotch transparent crayon marks used to disguise border defenses. The German army easily overcomes defensive systems, particularly when they find minefields neatly swept clean with brooms.
• 1962 - Segregation is repealed. Discrimination comes into vogue.
• 1986 - Plurals Plural banned in the Netherland (formerly known as the Netherlands).
• 1999 - NASA calculates the crucial orbital height of the $125 million Mars Orbiter to the 10th decimal place. Unfortunately, they forget to convert English measurements to metric and the spacecraft orbits itself right into the Martian dirt. Liberia and Myanmar, the only other countries using the English measurement system, sympathize, while the rest of the world has a good laugh.
• 2002 - Dark clouds of quaggas hang ominously over Belgium.
• 2014 - The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is declared illegal in 3 countries exactly at the same time.