Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/September 10

September 10: Kumquat Kicking Festival (Pakistan), International Hypocrisy Day

• Time Before Time - Death is born in a small town in Kansas, NASCAR becomes marginally interesting.
• 541 BCE - Greek philosopher Hypocrites invents hypocrisy.
• 540 BCE - Hypocrisy is condemned as immoral by Hypocrites.
• 30 CE - Asked whether one should pay taxes, Jesus says, "Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's", but then cheats on his income tax.
• 1092 - Tap dancing is invented.
• 1093 - The ground opens up under the inventor of tap dancing who is then dragged down to Hell.
• 1892 - Oscar Wilde arrives in America, claiming at customs "I have nothing to declare but my genius". Actually, he has some fruit and Cuban cigars.
• 1897 - Lattimer Massacre: a sheriff's posse kills twenty unarmed immigrant miners in Pennsylvania. Up until the massacre, the mine wasn't very productive.
• 1913 - The first fully-carpeted coast-to-coast ferret-run opens in the USA.
• 1939 - Canada declares war on Nazi Germany; the German army takes the afternoon off.
• 1960 - American baseball player Mickey Mantle kicks a kumquat an estimated 643 feet.
• 2000 - Millions board planes with shoes, liquids, and food. Angered by this, George Bush goes into seclusion to come up with a way to stop this. It takes roughly one year and a few phone calls to his friends in the Middle East.
• 2001 - Billions and billions of Americans go to bed early in order to be well-rested for the September 11 terrorist attacks the next day.
• 2008 - The Large Hadron Collider is switched on and nothing happens. Swiss scientists decide to cut their losses and turn it into a badass thrill ride.
• 2009 - The Office of the White House announces a low-altitude American Airlines 767 fly-over for 9/11 8th year memorial services at ground zero in New York City, on September 11. The flight is officially named AA Flight 175 in honor of the brave civilians who didn't know any better that morning. The plane is to be supplied with full complement of fuel as a safety precaution, and will fly over Shanksville, PA, and the Pentagon. Five 20 to 30-year-old Arabs will take part in flight as show of peace to the Middle Eastern nations. These proud five men will be given boxcutters and a fake bomb in order for the US Air Force to simulate realistic crisis scenarios. Flight 175 "Resurrected," as it has been dubbed by President Obama, will have a pig in the cockpit, for security reasons.
• 2012 - The Large Hadron Collider Thrill Ride turns into a supermassive black hole and turns the Earth into something the size of a small pea.