Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/May 25

May 25: National Pork Products Day (Israel)

• In the beginning - God creates Mojo from leftover positrons and dark matter.
• A long time ago - God creates Funk, and he sees that it is gooo-ooood.
• 2000 BCE - Moses opens the first Piggly Wiggly supermarket with the goal of "bringin' chitterlings to all my peeps!"
• 402 BCE - The towel is invented, to protect oneself from the great LUEshi rampage.
• 14 BCE - Leeroy Jenkins declares, "At least I still have chicken."
• 1029 - The Black Plague makes its first appearance in a small gig in Eastern Indonesia.
• 1492 - Christopher Columbus realizes that he forgot his wallet back in Spain.
• 1840 - Oscar Wilde kills Lord Byron in what is billed as the Spat in the Flat.
• 1852 - The knowledge of towel making is mysteriously lost. Pandemonium ensues for the next three decades.
• 1895 - Playwright, poet and novelist Oscar Wilde is convicted of "committing acts of gross indecency with other male persons" and sentenced to serve two years in prison. He comments: "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine", a line later shamelessly plagarized by Obi-Wan Kenobi.
• 1942 - Helen G. White announces that the end of the world is postponed once again due to rain.
• 1980 - Towels are rediscovered just as hyenas take over the French government.
• 1982 - Pac Man Fever kills 20 million Americans in just a few weeks.
• 1987 - Marijuana becomes the most cultivated plant ever, displacing the potato from the top spot for a few weeks.
• 2002 - Mutant Goombie children are found in a puddle. Government and other such officials are blamed.
• 2003 - In the first smart move made ever by a government, governments everywhere are officially disbanded.
• 2007 - Jerry Springer is attacked by trailer park midgets.