Hunter x Hunter

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This is your brain on drugs. No wait, this is just Hunter x Hunter.

“ Want to see a card trick?”

~ Hisoka, talking to his food victims

Hunter X Hunter is a manga turned anime about a boy named Gon aiming to become a Hunter like his father. The manga is most known for its excruciating hiatuses, an art style which consists mainly of scribbles, and its uncanny resemblance to Ranma ½. The anime was released in 1999, so pretty much before you were born. Legend says the manga version is still continuing, but new episodes have years between releases as the author Yoshihiro Togashi spends an average of 80 hours a day playing Final Fantasy XI.

The characters were lifted straight from Togashi's Yu Yu Hakusho series. Yuusuke becomes tiny shota hero Gon, wearing head to toe green. Hiei is now named Killua and rides a skateboard. Kuwabara became a doctor (Leorio). And Kurama gets injected with a soul, as Kurapika (because changing hair colors was so hard that Togashi couldn't manage a whole different name) but still wears dress-like clothing and gets mistaken for a woman. They have the same personalities and purpose in the group. Yuusuke/Gon is the genki tank that mediates slap fights, Hiei/Killua is goth, Kuwabara/Leorio is the buffoon, and Kurapika/Kurama is a scary scary Chessmaster genius willing to kill small children and anyone else in his way.

Karasu, Kurama's pervy stalker from YYH, is remade as the main pervy villain in HXH, Hisoka, but instead of just wanting to get Kurama in a secluded parkinglot, he's like pedophilic Santa, and you have to be under 5'5 and a brilliant fighter to sit on his lap.

The plot continues from YYH...get stronger and glow brighter! But now you have to take a semester of fake math to understand the pseudologic of ki powers, which is just laying framework for a card game release.


Hunters are an all-fields organization with a great deal of power. The single condition to becoming a hunter is a lengthy exam which makes the Chounin Exam in Naruto look like a cakewalk. The title itself gives Hunters access to the President’s daughter and even a free macaroni and cheese at the White House cafeteria.

Like many fighters, Hunters can use their natural energy called “Nen” as a weapon or other purposes to serve the plot.

Guess what? You’re his new best friend.

Gon Freecs[edit]

Gon typically wears a green uniform, black boots, has ginormous eyes, and a spiky hairdo that can be used as a stabbing weapon.

Gon grew up on a small island inhabited by all manner of fearsome wildlife. Also, all of these monsters were his friends. Gong was left in the care of his Aunt; his mother being dead, and his father having left him when he was but a wee lad. His father was a Hunter, intent on seeking out fortune, fame, and billion dollar video game.

When he reached the age of twelve, Gon met a long haired Hunter named Kite who told him about the Hunter Exam. Gong realized he was now free to leave his loving aunt for the wolves and become a professional Hunter so to find his bastard of a father.

Gon’s signature weapon is a fishing rod which he swings rapidly at his victims, occasionally taking an eye out in the process. Gon is also barely competent nen-user and employs the Hardener Type of nen, armed with 3 basic nen moves. All of them are powerful in their own right (he wishes!) and yet at the same time, quite pointless. They are:

  • Pebble - Allows Gon to shrink to the ss\ize of a pebble (hence the name). Upside is, he's difficult to hit when he's so wee small, and also hard to find in an open battlefield due to his diminutive size. Downside is, if he gets found, the enemy could easily kill him by stepping him, crushing Gon like the bug he is
  • Pinch - Enhances the muscles on Gon's thumbs and index fingers, allowing him to incapacitate foes by subjecting them to powerful pinches.
  • Cardboard - Allows Gon to materialize an immobile 2-dimensional cardboard copy of himself, that he hopes would later gain the attention of a talent search organization, thereby hopefully leading to stardom as a child star.

He also shows a great deal of determination, innocence, and out right stupidity bravery. He also has the power of friendship (you heard me). Everyone is Gon’s friend, at least that’s what he believes.

Killua- stealing fan girls’ hearts and splattering them in his hands since 1999

Killua Zoldyck[edit]

Kawaii, I mean Killua (Kill-u-a), is a heir to the deadly Zoldyck family of assassins. Twelve years in age, he has messy white hair and rides a skateboard no matter where he goes (though he later ditches it for a Twinkie).

Kawaii met Gon during the Hunter Exam while coasting on his skateboard which is all he did up until that point. Kawaii had run away from his legacy as an assassin, after beating the crap out of his mother’s face, to become a Hunter. Quickly making friends with Gon, he realized he no longer wanted to kill, rather to stay friends with Gon through thick and thin.

Kawaii’s trademark weapon is his horrendous retractable nails. He also has enough speed to kill an opponent before they can react. He has a bad habit of pick pocketing sweets, passports, and various vital organs. Like Gon, he is prodigy quickly learning to use Nen, but sucks when using a pen. His nen techniques include:

  • Massage Palm - Basically infuses nen into his palms, amplifying Killua's natural talents at relieving stress from another person using his hands to shift pressure upon the recipient's back. Unfortunately, his skills are amateurish at best and may as well prod needles via acupuncture
  • Vibrator - Essentially a long-range, intensified version of Massage Palm, Killua sends vibrating nen particles at a distance towards a target. Depending on whether or not the recipient are prone to orgasms, they may very well cum then and there after getting hit by Killua's Vibrator (not the device, mind you)
  • Turtlespeed - A technique where Killua deliberately slows everything about him to the pace of a turtle. While he's not entirely sure what benefit this move affords him, or why it's even part of his repertoire, Killua is confident of an answer...he's just waiting for it to come to him. FOrtunately, while Turtlespeed is active, his P.O.V is also very slow - meaning he has all the time in the world to come up with something.

Kurapika: If I hear another guy ask “Who's the babe?”…


Kurapika is a jailbait hunter with blonde hair. His blue eyes turn red when he feels intense emotion (take note steamy fanfic writers). He is male, though his slapping a male roommate for coming out of the shower naked, getting embarrassed after sitting with his legs spread, and his cameo as Bridget in Guilty Gear tend to confuse viewers.

Kurapika is the sunny-side boy turned resident evil of the show. He was raised by mannerless wolves or something; he's fighting a duel on a sinking ship in a hurricane barely after his introduction because he insists on calling Leorio 'Leorio' instead of "Mr. Leorio." But though Kurapika default setting seems to be "blunt and self-serving", because he's an adorably androgynous scrappy blond orphan with a tragic past - everyone wants to give to poor cute bastard a childhood, and the benefit of a doubt.

His clan was wiped out by a group called Genei Ryodan the Spiders in order to collect the tribe's unique red eyes, which are treasured like jewels. Gross. Kurapika actually wears red jewel earrings himself from some unfortunate relative, so perhaps there's cultural acceptance of murderabilia in very specific circumstances in this fictional world (life insurance fraud?). Kurapika purpose for becoming a hunter is to to avenge those he lost — meaning everyone he knew, including some child who we see in memory flashes but never know the name of, because Kurapika got brain damage in the attack or the mangaka got bored with that particular plot line. Kurapika becomes a Hunter to gain power and resources, including a library tech degree that allows him to do basic things like internet searches, which apparently none of the other main characters have learned, resulting in the first anime scene dedicated to Boolean logic. Along the way, he becomes close friends with Gon, Killua, and Leorio.

Kurapika later ditches them to become a bodyguard/assassin for the Mob after exploring his hidden BDSM tendencies in the rainforest with a nen master. He develops his 'Chain em up' domme powers symbolized by a weapons upgrade: a set of rings and chains on his right hand. His new bodypart-collecting boss takes him to York Shin to buy those awesome collectible Kurta eyeballs. The auction is a Spider nest, but we only get to see Kurapika whoop one magnificent mass-murdering bastard before his lack of inner psychotic stops him. In stunningly beautiful character development, Kurapika wonders how a person can kill someone without repulsion and regret, and returns home nauseous and spending the night in prayer - admittedly unexpected in a show whose premise is harnessing bioelectricity to do magic.

Hving made a happy moral development about forgiveness and the sanctity of life, he returns to the Mafia as the muscle protecting their sex trafficking and meth production endeavors, where surely he'll never have to kill again.

Kurapika eyes glow red when he feels an intense emotion, triggered mainly by seeing a Spider member or actual spiders. He hides this with black contacts, which is astoundingly over-cautious as no one remembers his tribe existed. Even the Spider he kills doesn't remember fighting a thousand warriors with GLOWING RED EYES, which you'd think would stick in the memory.

Besides causing memory loss, the red eyes powers give Kurapica powers to use any type of nen he so chooses, until he passes out from the effort, making him the most bad ass and lethal team member.

Leorio: What’s in the briefcase you ask? Funny story that is.


Leorio is a fifty year-old man aiming to use his Hunter license to become a doctor. He wears a plain business suit, Shino’s shades, and also sports a spiky crop of a hairdo.

Leorio lacks any special abilities or talents except the power of snark. Oh and he has a briefcase where he keeps various Jell-O molds and instant pie mixtures. Like all the main characters on the show, he is forced against his will to follow Gon and become his friend.

Apparently, he wants to become a doctor and needs the hunter license to access the resources. Recent findings suggest he was shunned by the science community after using the lab to bring to life his almighty Jell-O fetish.

The Mob[edit]

Imagine the mob from the Godfather, only this mob’s every move revolves around a teenage girl and their only true purpose is to show how badass the Spiders are.

Mob Boss Stalin[edit]

Leader of the mob, whose reputation proceeds him as a kiss-up daddy to a spoiled brat of a daughter—but hey, she’s cute.

Stalin suffers from constant panic attacks and spends most of his time on the phone promising his daughter unsightly treasures.

Neon’s all seeing pear. Its prophecies are poetic, but its dialect is downright retarded.

Neon- The Boss’s boss[edit]

Neon is the pink haired daughter of Stalin and is a fortuneteller. She has the power to summon a green talking pear with lipstick and angel wings (I am not making this up). It being able to possess her hands and write out prophecies has made Neon a vital tool in the mob. But she never reads her own prophecies because that would be weird!

Due to her value as a stock picker, Kurapika is assigned to be her bodyguard. He has no objections.

Neon seems to have a strange desire to collect mummies, eyeballs, and embalmed remains of horses. Primarily, she suffers from Necrophilia. She also has a tendency to turn bat frak insane freak out when she can’t get what she wants and requires constant pandering from her bodyguards.

Later on, her father breaks his promise yet again regarding winning archeological remains at the um… Crap-fest Auction. Just to piss him off, she goes out with the leader of the Spiders- Chrollo Lucifer. This backfires. Having never consumed alcohol before, she quickly proposes to him and accidentally bashes her head against the table, leaving him to steal her power. Then an all out Spider vs. Mob war begins because of her being “kidnapped”. Ouch.

Got to catch ‘em all.

The Spiders[edit]

The Spiders (Phantom Troupe) are a criminal organization of assassins and thieves containing thirteen members. Each one is formidable and a talented Nen user. Their services mainly consist of assassination and theft, though occasionally they do recreational work.


The result of a failed mummification demonstration and five-thousand removed piercings. Ask him nicely and he'll spin at great velocity, using the various holes in his body to play "Flight of the Bumblebee." But be warned--once you hear it, it will stay in your ears like tinnitus. Bonelolipop was a friend of all the mummies in the ROM's ancient Egyptian exhibit, until an unexpected bout of drama erupted between him and a particularly petty pharoah. Since then, he has tried to drown his loneliness in 70s cowboy movies and old Johnny Cash vinyls.

Cousin It[edit]

Cousin It has long unkempt green hair exposing only one of his eyes. He is the weakest of the spiders, and strangely the trusted bodyguard of Chronic Lucifer. (Seriously, wtf?)


A sadist, masochist, nihilist, atheist, scientologist, and a major pervert, Fetish has narrow eyes and a scarf to cover his mouth. He spends his time reading trashy love novels and making crude remarks about Kurapica’s gender.

Fetish is most likely the fastest of the Spiders, in both a physical and a sarcastic sense.


Cancellation from Nick Jr., left Franklin in the gutter—literally. He was run over by Robin Williams mistaking him for Flubber while steering an armored car. He was later steamrolled mutilated by Sonic the Hedgehog after challenging him to a race. This left him a disfigured Frankensteinian-ish monster. Somewhere deep inside of the shell he is now, is the caring and loving turtle he once was.


Hisoka: Gon? Where are you Gon? Hmm?

Hisoka, who fancies himself the Joker of the series, met Gon during the Hunter exam and later at a battle arena, where he's allowed to kill people in public without answering those pesky police questions afterwards. Quite the blue haired sadist, he developed a disturbing fixation to make Gon stronger in order to beat him later on. (Nothing feels better than breaking the neck of a twelve year old boy with a poker card after all.)

When not tearing off a man’s arm or getting his own arm torn off in a fight, he is being rejected by Machi every chance he gets. Apparently, his charming manner of asking her out during arm surgery just doesn’t turn her on. Poor guy.


Machi is a female Spider with blue hair and one of the strongest spiders. Her main power is to use Nen to create threads that serve numerous purposes- one of them being reattaching Hisoka’s appendages. O_o

She is often asked out by Hisoka, her answer is to calmly say “no,” and then sew his arm on backwards.

Nobunga Hafunga[edit]

Resembling a samurai, (or so he likes to believe), Nof-Nobunga Haflunga carries a sword that he can combine with his Nen. His powers become obvious when Nondungu--Nonbu--hell with it, fails to capture two twelve-year-old boys from escaping the Spider stronghold.

Professor Pakunoda[edit]

A witch (note the magnificent nose), she has the ability to read others minds using Nen. Despite this, Pakunoda is the second weakest of the spiders. Some may wonder why she is Chrollo personal bodyguard, until you realize she always leaves her shirt unbuttoned.


The second strongest of the Spiders, Winks tends to wear a jogger suit. Moving on.

Shalnark- boy genius[edit]

A strapping young lad, quick in wit and on the existential internet, he is always first to help out his fellow Spiders in need. Rather good looking and a calming conversationalist, he —Who in the hell wrote this crap?


Shizuku is a forgetful girl that battles with her vacumm cleaner, Demo-chan.


Physically the strongest of the Spiders, Uvhogan sports a muscular wolf-man appearance. His use of Nen is deadly and he remained unstoppable until defeated by Kurapica. On a separate note, kudos for him taking urinal leeches like a man.

Chrollo Lucifer: smooth operator, talented Nen user, leader of the world’s most wanted criminals, and die-hard follower of classical music. Far cooler than you could ever hope to be.

Chrollo Lucifer[edit]

The suave ringleader of the Spiders, Chrollo Lucifer is both cool-headed and extremely deadly. Strong enough to take on the top Zoldyck assassins, he also is able to copy any Nen power he learns. Amusingly, he has a soft spot for man-eating Nen fish which he keeps as pets, is a devoted reader, and aims to be a Maestro for an orchestra one day.

He is also married to Neon.

Did you know?[edit]

Gon? What the hell?
The fans paired me with who?!
  • That Hisoka ruined your childhood?
  • That Chrollo Lucifer once killed a mob of hippies with only a conductor stick and a green tambourine?
  • That Kurapica has just killed another fan fic?
  • That Gon is now your friend?
  • That the Spiders stole your will to live?
  • That this list is really retarded?