HowTo:Be Uncyclopedia Beach Local

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"VFH": A local faces brutal failure or makes the FA without even getting wet.
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According to the Uncyclopedia Department of Qualifications, a genuine “Uncyclopedia Beach local” is an Internet surfer, karmically entangled with the locals who surf Uncyclopedia Beach - as a "registered user", and who is disdainfully known as an “Uncyclopedian” in the kook world.

A 'kook', on the other hand, is anyone so lame as to actually reside on the outlands of Uncyclopedia Beach's coastal highway. They foolishly think themselves too good for Uncyclopedia - little do they know that it is impossible to be too good for Uncyclopedia. Essentially an Uncyclopedia Beach "kook" is an UN-registered user.

Uncyclopedia Beach is ruled by gods and demigods known as Admins and Sysops respectively. These 'divine beings' as well as most locals are usually quite helpful to any 'registered' beginner noob who sincerely begs for a kick in the groin and a slice of 'humble-pie'.

Welcome to Uncyclopedia Beach. Locals follow the beach on your right, kooks kindly walk off the cliff on your left, OR fucking REGISTER!

Uncyclopedia Beach[edit]

Uncyclopedia Beach

Where IS Uncyclopedia Beach? The answer is that it’s in your PC. To visit Uncyclopedia Beach please turn on your PC (or Computer if you have an Apple), log on to the Internet (if you don’t have DSL), open your Web Browser (the thingy, like 'Firefox'), and type into the address bar the following URL: (don't waste time with copy/paste) - then press return.

If you think you have actually arrived at Uncyclopedia Beach you may be right. Just click VFH when you are ready to get wet. But if nothing happens then check to confirm that your PC is plugged in an electrical outlet. If it is not plugged in then locate the PC plug, find an electric outlet, then insert the plug into the outlet. Begin over by pressing start.

The view from Uncyclopedia Beach lagoon

Humanity and Uncyclopedia Beach Locals[edit]

In the fiercely competitive world of cyber-space (or the Ocean in the mundane world) humanity is broadly divided into two categories: SURFERS and kooks.


Kooks are hopeless geeks with 0 sense of humor, who pick their nose and eat the snot. They have no idea how to spell SXE, they don’t have a clue how to surf, and on top of all other disqualifications they just aren’t locals. In fact, kooks are so square that Wikipedia will not be mentioned here, not even once. A kook's life is totally meaningless and we won’t waste another kilobyte on the subject.


There are two types of surfers: those who can surf well and those who cannot surf well. Out of those who can surf well there are two types: inland (unregistered user) and locals. Out of those super-humans known as surf-locals there are two types: those who surf waves on the sea and those who surf waves on the web. Accordingly there are two types of surf beaches: surf beaches on the ocean and surf beaches on the Internet. Uncyclopedia Beach locals are registered users who can usually surf quite well.

Uncyclopedia Beach Local[edit]

Ultimately there is Uncyclopedia Beach, the very edifice of mirth. If you plan to visit Uncyclopedia Beach as an unregistered kook be careful! In fact, it is advisable for you to become a registered user (local), even if you only plan a quick visit.

Uncyclopedia Beach local takes on a nom at VFH.

"Uncyclopedia Beach local initiation procedure"[edit]

The Uncyclopedia Beach initiation ceremony is the worst form of NOT hazing! But it is a gruesome FACT (mainly cause most locals are "grue"s at heart). And all locals have to survive pass it.

This initiation consists of:

  1. Becoming a registered user.
  2. Getting adopted by a local ego-buster-from-hell.
  3. Getting kicked repeatedly in the groin (on-line).
  4. Getting humiliated until you realize your own worthlessness.

During the "Uncyclopedia Beach local initiation procedure" suicide is not an option. So once the Initiation begins there is no way out unless you bring a signed hand-written letter from your mom asking that you be excused.

Suing Uncyclopedia Beach for hazing[edit]

If one is excused by their mom, or does not commit suicide, or otherwise fails to pass the initiation, they may feel despondent and consider suing Uncyclopedia. Be advised: Uncyclopedia is protected by parody, and Parody's dad can beat up your dad!


“Nothing is lower than an unregistered user

~ Uncyclopedia Beach local on kooks

How to recognize a kook?[edit]

Uncyclopedia Beach KOOK. This is what a kook looks like on Uncyclopedia Beach. They ALL look the same!

Uncyclopedia’s advice to all kooks and non-surfers is if you happen to visit Uncyclopedia or the sea shore, don’t be so foolish as to paddle out log on. Because you’re not local, and, God knows, "locals rule!"

How to avoid getting "cyber-stomped" by locals[edit]

Although there are a number of ways to avoid trouble with Uncyclopedia Beach locals, still, using the most advanced computer technology available, and sorting through all historical data on wave and web surfing, the conclusion is that all these methods may be summed up by Uncyclopedia in the following advice:



If you plan to visit Uncyclopedia be advised that - unless you're a jerk - become a registered user. Reason: It's awesome to be an Uncyclopedia Beach local for even one second because then you can brag about if for the rest of your life!

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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