Blue Nile

The Blue Nile is the greatest and best river in the world... Tributary [1].

History

Long time ago me and my brother Pedro [2] here,
we was hikin' down the Eastern part of Africa.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny river... in the middle... of Ethiopia. [3]

And some camel said:
"Take me to the best river in the world, or I'll mummify you." [4]

Well me and Pedro, we looked at each other,
and we each said... "Okay."

Discovery

And we went to the first river that came to our path,
Just so happened to be,[5]
The Greatest River in the World, it was The Greatest River in the World.

Look into the Nile and it's easy to see
Hydrogen and oxygen make water, when bonded appropriately,
It was chemistry.
Once every epic civilization or so,
When the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
And the pyramids doth grow...[6]

Needless to say, the camel was stunned.
Whip-crack went his humpy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: "(snort) Be you gods?" [7]
And we said, "Nay. We are but men."[8]
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

Criticism

This is not The Greatest River in the World, no.
This is just a tributary.
Couldn't go back to the Greatest River in the World, no, no.
This is a tributary, oh, to The Greatest River in the World,
All right! It was The Greatest River in the World,
All right! It was the best muthafuckin' river the greatest river in the world.

And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the river we saw on that fateful night it didn't actually look
anything like this river. [9]

This is just a tributary! You gotta believe me!
And I wish you were there! Just a matter of fact.
Ah, fuck! Good God, God lovin',
So surprised to find you can't stop it. [10]

All right! All right!

Footnotes

• ([1]) The Greatest and Best river in the world is the Nile, at 6,695 km long. Duh.
• ([2]) Pedro Paez was the first European ever to see the Nile. History does not remember his brother, who is mentioned only in a few apocryphal accounts as "that tenacious dude with the lute who kept screaming "All Right!" in Portuguese."
• ([3]) Yes, there are rivers in Ethiopia. There just isn't any food.
• ([4]) Probably an empty threat, as mummification is a labor-intensive process. Plus, he'd have to kill him first.
• ([5]) Not that coincidental, when you're in Eastern Africa.
• ([6]) Actually they were built, rather than growing. Poetic license. And they were done way before Pedro and the lutenist dude got there. Quit being so nitpicky, OK?
• ([7]) Because, you know, back in the day, yo, people actually believed that shit.
• ([8]) Something rather out-of-character for a Portuguese explorer to say at the time.
• ([9]) May or may not be true. They all look the same on satellite maps, actually.
• (10]) Actually, the Nile boasts the Roseires Dam, Sennar Dam, Aswan High Dam, and Owen Falls Dam, among others. But who's counting?

Apologies

To Tenacious D.