Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/April 4

April 4: National No Spamming Day (Iraq)

• 1581 - Francis Drake circumcises the world with an enormous 300 ft clipper.
• 1810 - Canned food is developed in France. Cans are built individually by hand and take hours to make each one, especially in the case of canning a whole cow or pig that is always trying to escape.
• 1949 - Iceland's blundered declaration of war on the USA leads to the accidental formation of NATO.
• 1951 - The world's favourite missile, the Tomahawk, goes on sale in Wal-Mart.
• 1969 - The band Nazareth, led by bassist/singer Jesus, releases their most critically acclaimed album, You Shall Not Spam.
• 1469 - All calendars in the U.S. are set back 500 years.
• 1589 - The first Burning Man Festival is held. There were no naked renaissance hippie survivors.
• 1884 - The first episode of The Simpsons premieres in stereoscopic format. Matt Groening makes ten cents in royalties and becomes one of the wealthiest bastards on the entire planet.
• 1940 - Brits, after quickly getting sick of newly-arrived cans of Spam, use mortars loaded with it to shoot down German bombers during the Battle of Britain. The Luftwaffe then counters by attaching Jews to bombers so that their aircraft would evade the un-kosher projectiles.
• 1975 - You really should have bought shares in Microsoft, which was formed on this day.
• 1984 - President Ronald Reagan calls for an international ban on something or other, oh hell, I can't remember.
• 1986 - Some guy named Oliver North sells Girl Scout cookies to Iran and gives the profits to CNN.
• 2001 - The butterfly effect is proven in an ingenious experiment, causing devastating hurricane damage in China.
• 2002 - Actor Mickey Rooney begins his process of decomposition.