2018 North Korea–United States summit
“Where did my pen go?”
The 2018 North Korea–United States summit, or the Summit of the century and the Summit with a vague declaration on denuclearisation of the Korean Peninsula (North Korean: 조미 수뇌상봉 The successful summit with Kim and his men!; South Korean: 북미 정상회담 The summit with Trump and his men!), is a brief 6-minute meeting between the leader of the United States Donald Trump and High and Mighty Chairman of North Korean Affairs and Great Successor Kim Jong-un in Singapore.
Singapore happily hosted the summit and paid about S$20 million, with about half going to protecting Kim, paying for his stay and cooking his favourite Kimchi because the North Korean left his wallet back home. The Prime Minister of Singapore Robo Lee said he was honoured that Singapore is part of playing the supporting role of the summit, by ensuring their security, praying that none got assassinated, escorting the two leaders to Sentosa because they cannot find it, and served teh-O, kopi-O and Chili Crap to them.
Background[edit]
In a truth-and-dare game during his presidential campaign, Donald Trump promised he will "eat a Big Mac" with Kim V3.0, who meanwhile was busy trying to shoot missiles towards the US. Meanwhile, on the southern side of Korea, Moonshine man Moon Jae-in kicked his sister Park Geun-Hye (who was fiddling around with her income tax) out of office and think it is time that "we should make radio contact with the other side". Kim also wanted to talk after he managed to launch several missiles and kill some of his family members. Thus, he started warming up to the south by sending a team of North Koreans to beat the South Koreans in the 2018 Winter Olympics and agreeing to meet his Moonie in the south.
To see how much he wanted an autograph from Trump, when Trump cancelled the meeting, he begged for the meeting and cried on television, until Trump said,'Ok, Ok, we will meet'.
Choosing a suitable place[edit]
When the US and North Korean delegation are making choices for the location, they want it to be 'as neutral, as natural, as nice, as good-looking, as cultural as possible'. People thought it will be a mess since these people are poles apart, but they agree to meet halfway by deciding on hosting it on the equator. More specifically on the Little Red Dot, or sometimes known as Singapore. But Trump, being impressed by how the Inter-Korean summit garnered a lot of attention by hosting it on the DMZ, he wanted the talks will be there. Sadly there was a tip-off that Kim may arrange a sniper to point a Red Dot on Trump's forehead, so he decided that both should meet on the Little Red Dot so that both with share a red dot.
Reactions to the summit[edit]
“Has it happened? What happened? What did they do? Did they just went off?”
To everyone, they had waited very long for the summit to be premiered, but they were surprised that the key actors only appeared for a brief 6 minute period before Kim took off in a rocket to his hometown. Singapore, however, said it was a relief since they have to endure only a few minutes of stress for taking care of them, while the public complained that the summit is a waste of money. For the first time in history, both Koreas agreed on something similar, that the summit was a win-win situation for North Korea and US. For the other nations, they can't do anything except to pretend to clap out of politeness. The US, however, were uncomfortable whether they had made 'a good deal' despite Trump's assurances.
The summit also disputes the theory that Singapore does not exist. Now everyone knows that Singapore is a very small resort island south of Pulau Ujong. (Or is it?)
The declaration[edit]
After every summit, there should be some paper to sign, right? This is no exception. On the Singapore declaration (not of independence), there are four main points:
- All of the above
- North Korea will not attack US, and vice versa
- Trump will shake hands with Kim
- US to be friends with North Korea, and North Korea is to stop killing the US 'the imperialists' otherwise the US will launch an invasion into the North
However, some say it is too vague, and removing the nukes from the Korean Peninsula is not the no. 1 point on the declaration. However, what they did not see is the 'invisible points' above the point 'All of the above'. It is unwritten, but leaked papers revealed the true four points of the declaration:
1. The United States and the DPRK commit to establish new U.S.-DPRK relations in accordance with the desire of the peoples of the two countries for peace and prosperity. (whether North Koreans desire about the US or not we don't know, but the government never cared about them)
2. The United States and the DPRK will join their efforts to build a lasting and stable peace regime on the Korean Peninsula. (which peace regime? North's or South's?)
3. Reaffirming the April 27, 2018 Panmunjom Declaration, the DPRK commits to work towards the complete denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula. (It is not really number-un but never mind. So long it is listed up here to remove the nukes)
4. The United States and the DPRK commit to recovering POW/MIA remains including the immediate repatriation of those already identified. (Yes, North Koreans, where are your spy trainees from Russia and Japan? However, who really 'identify' these people? They can be a double of those POW who may be dead. (touch wood))
Trump tweets[edit]
His pigeon carrier carries his daily sweet tweets.
- It took 13 hours for the pilot to find Singapore, it is damn hard to find. So small!
- A surprise Birthday Party! Well, good thing they did not throw the birthday cake at me as a prank. (It may be poop cake and not chocolate cake)
- PM Lee squeezed my hand so hard, hope Kim isn't going to do that too!
- We have a real deal, just like doing a business.
- Kim is a nice man, the 3rd best North Korean leader I have ever met. (wait isn't there just three of them?)
See also[edit]
The UnNews Uncensored, (Un)reliable and (Un)truthful version of the summit.
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