Viking Kong
“God damn those are some hairy balls. Why is he naked?”
“Don't talk about him that way! He's more man than you'll ever be!”
Viking Kong was one of the greatest Viking leaders. He had a well-known fear of midgets, as he was worried that they would run up his trunk. Not being an elephant, this was obviously not possible, thus causing many historians to believe he was bat fuck insane. As with all Vikings, he was a great believer in killing, heavy metal, raping and pillaging, as well as ransacking, arson, pizzas, grooming, looting, rioting, plundering, thieving and further excessive raping.
Viking Kong was the second largest Viking, standing at over 200 feet, or 317 minutes in Winter. It is said that his arms are large enough to make you feel safe at night, and you just want to be held in them.
History[edit]
In his early days, Viking Kong was a founding member of Finntroll, one of the popular Viking shadow puppet performance groups at the time. However, when the band started to take on a more commercial direction, Viking Kong left to pursue a career in Vikinging.
Many people think that Hugh Hefner discovered Bristol in the 1930s. However, it was actually invented by Viking Kong over 200 years before that.
Viking Kong was also the inventor of the Empire State Building in 1503. Once complete, he would climb the building and use it to search for any Egyptians, them being his chief concern at the time for unknown reasons. According to friend Bruce Campbell,
“All I know is they are fucked.”
After the Battle of Thermopylae, Viking Kong resurrected the "brave" 300, then killed them all again in 7 minutes and 31 seconds just to show he could. Afterwards, he stated that "it took too long because those fucking ninjas kept trying to mess up my beard."
One of his descendants, King Kong, also enjoyed climbing the building for recreation. Some say that King Kong climbs the building to measure the ninja population density, but others say that Some is a moron.
Death[edit]
Contrary to popular belief, Viking Kong did not die in the Great Viking-Ninja War of 2005. Viking Kong can't die, due to the immense concentration of potatoes contained within his brain cavity.
Powers and abilities[edit]
Viking Kong is known to have the ability to breathe underwater and go invisible, thus making him one of the most powerful Vikings ever, almost a cross between a Viking and a ninja, but without any of the emoness that would usually result from such a cross-breeding. Viking Kong can also consume vast amounts of alcohol, which is where the term "drunk as a monkey" came from. Although Viking Kong wasn't drunk, he just wanted you to think that so he could kill you.
Viking Kong is probably invulnerable too, but this is not known for certain, as no one has ever managed to face Viking Kong without shitting themselves uncontrollably to the point of desiccation at the sight of him. If any well-hydrated individual manages to survive that, they usually have their face crushed from the immense pressure of his awesome badassery.