Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/24

UnSignpost Changes

Due to modernisation and the invention of the steam internet, UnSignpost has changed from being a newspaper delivery service to an online news updater. Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 21:26, October 22, 2013 (UTC)

See Forum:UnSignpost Changes! and Forum:UnSignpost Namespace. Anyone wish to write an article on these events? Sir ScottPat (talk) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 13:10, October 23, 2013 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia invaded by aliens!!

Please note the arrival of Ced Spatiotemporal from France and Mctomerd11 and Amitarbel from Israel. Spıke Ѧ 20:13 17-Nov-13

Great idea for an article! Anton (talk) 20:23, November 17, 2013 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia biopic link

Instead of copy and pasta all that I just went with this link instead http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/User_talk:OMGwhatHaveIdone

Seemed more reasonable.

Tanks a lot! Sir ScottPat (converse) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 10:51, April 16, 2014 (UTC)

A Linear What?

Techie
update

Two of the relative technical giants in our ragtag bunch of survivors have been dabbling with Linear Gradients, a recent innovation that lets you create glitzy graphics without having to endure the warnings about gore and nudity at Special:Upload. First, Spike's signature became a tiny bit shinier, and so did the background of {{Writing funny stuff}} included in some Welcome messages to newbies. Spike packaged the stuff for retail use in {{LinearGradient}}. User:PuppyOnTheRadio went further, both in documenting that template (click on the link to read how to use it) and in ensuring that it works for Uncyclopedians whose browsers were invented back when Gradient was a draft proposal, and does something even on Netscape. Puppy one-upped Spike in the signature wars, devising a radial gradient that appears to poke drain-holes in everyone's talk page — then went viral with the technology, proposing in Forum:Construction template to apply the shininess to {{Construction}}. All Uncyclopedians will be relieved to have a new technical gimmick to distract them from the chore of thinking up original humor.

In an development that is unrelated but neatly fits in the same category (given a large-enough hammer), Spike elicited debugging help from Wikia to track down a year-old bug in the Watchgadget, a piece of code that puts a button to the left of every line in your Watchlist to take it off the list. The tool used a package (once) that an unrelated file in his userspace would go on to break for all subsequent uses. The Wikians were polite, as they always are when there are no Bare Tits showing, and the wild-goose chase ended with only one red face. The news for the general Uncyclopedian, then, is not that this gadget works, but that, after a year, it no longer claims not to work.

—The preceding unsigned comment was added by SPIKE (talk • contribs)

Thanks. Sir ScottPat (converse) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 08:00, April 18, 2014 (UTC)

Unhappy Monkey

Uncyclopedians who were paying close attention caught wind of an exciting, recurring writing competition, to be called the Unhappy Monkey. This is our webhost's latest writing challenge — that our authors (or "chimps") cease trying to replicate the masterpieces of Shakespeare, in order to devise clever "encyclopedia" articles with pleasing illustrations while being utterly unable to see how they will look on the page. This is Wikia's most daunting challenge since 2012, when it dared us to put aside creative writing in order to scour the site for photos containing exposed nipples. Evidently, this challenge has no time limit, and awards, or at least templates containing photos of awards (which will not render correctly either) will be given to the winners of this contest, which at this writing looks like any Chimp who lasts until the end despite the lack of well-opposed thumbnails. Spıke Ѧ 15:09 11-May-14

Thanks Spike. Article will be released tomorrow! Sir ScottPat (converse) VFH UnS NotM WotM WotY 19:20, May 11, 2014 (UTC)

Are you doing another UnSignpost so soon after the previous one (which was so long after the prior one)? Or is this a test of your "asynchronous articles" initiative? Spıke Ѧ 20:07 11-May-14

Two more Uncyclopedians leave

This issue we bid farewell to two more Uncyclopedians of long standing. Abuse Filter 16, which came to the site long before I started using Filters to gently coax authors to do something more original than point to what some dope had posted at Conservapedia, gave a warning to any new user who created an article with a number in it, as these are usually Spambots. It delivered its final welcome to Escapian; he was in the process of documenting the inherently funny 1964 Chicago Cubs and has not been heard from since.

Abuse Filter 20 was a one-night stand by cheerful Wikia intern Furry to pattern-match the ramblings of one specific vandal. It slowed him down (the vandal, that is), but alas, he was clever enough to figure out exactly what was being pattern-matched and type something different but equally trite. AF20 has been disabled and its contents made visible to the public — who will see that it is now again open season on typing dick, cock, and penis into articles.

One of Uncyclopedia's chronic vandals phoned home from Staffordshire recently. This reporter dares not name him, for fear of being banned by a surviving Abuse Filter. Although this vandal is always anxious for us to know who he is, and to receive his subliminal urgings to run to the bathroom, he is also too smart to be shut down by an Abuse Filter, unless it were to trip on every ALL-CAPITAL-LETTER CHANGE SUMMARY, which seems excessive. In any case, the Chief undid the damage from this vandal, who bores more easily than he used to. Spıke Ѧ 16:54 18-May-14

The exodus continues

Following the swan song of Abuse Filters 16 and 20 (see previous issue), the latest stalwart Uncyclopedian to leave is the Sprite. Our webhost Wikia is trying to get out of the stylistic shadows of Wikipedia as desperately as we, for satire purposes, are trying to stay inside. The last UnSignpost reported that your thumbnail illustrations suddenly stopped working or even going to their designated corner after the bell rang; this was revealed to be the deliberate "work" of Wikia.

Just an example. You do see it, don't you???

A little panic Style Sheeting repaired it, but then Wikia went to Phase II, removing forever the "sprite," the little button at the upper right of the caption box that you can click to blow up the photo, only you can get that done by just clicking on the photo. Further panic coding at MediaWiki:Uncyclopedia.js has restored the sprite. (For a day, it was (sprite), and for a few hours, it was .) If you have selected the uncyclopedia skin (or haven't selected anything and we selected it for you) and are running with JavaScript and images enabled, you will see it, and if you hover over it, it will tell you it is just kidding, and that it won't do any good to click on it anyway. If you have selected one of the other skins, you probably want Uncyclopedia to look like any other Wikia wiki, and won't laugh even if you stumble upon a joke here on your way to updating the trophy count of your favorite tag-team wrestler.

At any rate, that is the news most resembling drama that doesn't involve actual drama. Though Sprite is now back only in Diet, PuppyOnTheRadio has also been working to ensure there is plenty of Tab. Spıke Ѧ 13:37 29-May-14

Thanks, I'll add it to the list of the articles! Anton (talk) 14:23, May 31, 2014 (UTC)

The finale with Sprite and Tab (Soft-Drink Humor) is a veiled reference to a discussion about tabs which I think was on your talk page, which could use a link. Spıke Ѧ 14:30 31-May-14

Artist on board

Unfortunately, an Uncyclopedian who does narrations is very old news. But an artist submitting original work is new news, and new news is what youse do. Do you see it? Spıke Ѧ 16:49 1-Jun-14

A way out

Veteran archivist Anton199 recently stumbled onto the special-page Special:CloseMyAccount. The existence of such an article is remarkable, as it is right there in the policy manual that no one gives Admins that no one's account is ever closed, and the most that they can do is scoop the meat out of their user page so that Google won't list all the bad edits they made before they matured. (Or contact Wikia directly and threaten to sue.)

As our username database is famously separate from the rest of Wikia, requiring Uncyclopedians not only not to use their usual handle but to pick one that no one anywhere else in Wikia has chosen, there were doubts that the special page would actually work here, but Wikia assured us it had been tested on Uncyclopedia.

As when Grandpa tells the kids which dresser he keeps his loaded handgun in, the editors are not actually advising anyone to use Special:CloseMyAccount, but simply informing them "for future reference." Management has not decided how actively to promote this method of ensuring that, if you are tempted to log in next year, you will be unable to and will have to waste your limited creative juices creating a dopey name for a sockpuppet. Moreover, Anton199 advises that, after "testing the feature," he availed himself of the email option to cancel his election, meaning that his whispered three-week absence means something else entirely. Spıke Ѧ 15:00 7-Jul-14

Image revert wars

August saw not one but two tugs-of-war over the fine selection of photographs on Uncyclopedia articles. In the first, a series of alleged Uncyclopedians tried to change us from a humor wiki to a auto-proctology wiki. Our web-host obligingly ensured that the tempting button labeled "Upload a new version of this photo" will now require the support of a senior editor, a change not to be submitted to the affected vandals. Every Uncyclopedian remains free to upload photos under new names; just not implicitly edit dozens of existing articles, including those he cannot edit explicitly.

On the backside of that, Google selected one of our works, a photo that discussed the sale of dodgy baked goods to dodgier customers by England's Greggs chain, and made the logo the first choice in searches on Google Images, something the world's newspapers found notable. Several brand-new Uncyclopedians began a second war to repair (or to resume sliming) the baker's reputation, shortly before the above fix took effect. Admins locked down the image with the non-obscene version. The news stories said Greggs had a friendly exchange of tweets with Google (whom they need) for selecting the version; and we anticipated a less friendly exchange with us (whom they don't need) for hosting it in the first place; also that if Wikia were moved to intervene, they would leave one of their signature gaping holes in the article.

There is now even a new tag for this stuff.

Not satisfied to merely resolve the crisis, Romartus added it to our art portfolio, writing virtuoso navelism that was worked into a Navelism Side-by-Side on the UnNews Front Page with the news that Facebook intends to tag content to protect its users from believing all the crap they read on the internet. Although we are sure Facebook would never tag Uncyclopedia content, development of a "privatized" way to protect the young and gullible may help us argue that we need never again have a Content Warning. Spıke Ѧ 15:01 23-Aug-14

I haven't read the article yet, but a lot of thanks for it! Anton (talk) 17:24, August 24, 2014 (UTC)

I have now. Will put it on the main page! Anton (talk) 12:17, August 27, 2014 (UTC)

VFD is empty

Not unprecedented; won't last; but always good fodder for a write-up, if it's a slow news cycle. Spıke Ѧ 04:35 28-Sep-14