Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/January 14
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January 14: Death to Christmas Day (North Korea)
- 30 CE - John Lennon is elected to public office in Palestine with a pledge to become bigger than its messianic leaders.
- 1610 - Galileo Galilei is forced to change the name of the newly discovered fourth satellite of Jupiter from Shit to 'Callisto' after Pope Simplicio VIII has nuns break Galileo's knuckles with wooden rulers.
- 1753 - Following intense pressure from 'the dirty Scots', the Bank of England replaces the old currency of Scottish maidens to that of pornographic magazines.
- 1822 - Missionaries from the UK teach Koreans how to play Snap-dragon, where raisins are snatched from a bowl of brandy set alight. Koreans wearing traditional long sleeves then set themselves alight. It is impossible to tell if this causes rioting in the streets, but in any case, many screaming people are seen running through the streets setting fires everywhere.
- 1911 - Irish Gaelic becomes the official language of Spain. Intense rioting in Catalonia ensures a return to Pig Latin the following day.
- 1945 - Adolf Hitler belatedly makes his 1944 Christmas speech to the German nation. The Allies later herald this delay as a crucial point in winning World War II, as Germans were demoralised by their leader's lack of punctuality.
- 1972 - North Korea announces that it was responsible for the death of Christmas Day in 1965. President Richard Nixon of the United States declares it 'a crime against public holidays' during a state visit to his local slave market.
- 1973 - The Grinch retires.
- 1981 - Afghan leaders meet in Kabul to discuss what language to be used in a letter to Moscow asking for a Soviet withdrawal from the country and the return of 45 million metric tonnes of looted opium. American drug users continue to mount a protest to this day outside the Soviet Embassy in Washington D.C. calling for the return of the opium.
- 2004 - Terrorists attack and destroy goatse, leaving thousands bereaved. George Washington Carver notes it is 'a day that will live in infamy'.
- 2012 - Kim Jong Il finally murders Santa after searching for him for 19 years.