UnNews:What do you mean Ricky Martin is gay?

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out UnNews Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:37:59 (UTC)

What do you mean Ricky Martin is gay? UnNews Logo Potato.png

13 April 2010

Perez Hilton.jpg
WARNING: This column may be too homosexual for heterosexuals. If you don't like this article, than you are a militant homophobic George W. Bush ass kisser. People of other sexual orientations should only read this article for a good laugh and to mock all parties involved herein.

(Editorial distorted, re-worded, parodied, and reprinted here without the express written permission of celebrity bugger blogger Perez Hilton. But Who Cares, he's a douche anyway.)

HI. This is Perez Hilton here. I've been doing fab-u-lous! I'm writing this column because I heard some shocking, startling news recently. Ricky Martin has recently come out of the closet!





WHAT!??
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Ricky Martin...
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is GAY????!!!!
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That's insane-o-rific!!!!!
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Seriously though, there is NO WAY that this could be TRUE. I never would have thought somebody would call Ricky Martin -- singer of "Livin' La Vida Loca," "Shake Your Bon Bon," and "She Bangs" -- a homosexual. That's just BLASPHEMOUS!



Ricky is married and has two kids.


How could this beautiful and sexy singer prefer dicks over chicks?



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You would have to work hard to convince me of this, sister.



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Ricky is as straight as a line. He always has been, ever since he burst onto the scene as a member of Menudo. Take a look at the above picture, there is nothing to suggest that any of the members could possibly be queer, right? RIGHT???? I thought so.

Please, mainstream media, if you want to jump on the bandwagon of calling somebody gay, why not take cheap shots at a more worthy opponent, such as Clay Aiken or Ryan Seacrest. Call George Clooney a queer, if you will.

But please leave my hot-honey-buns Ricky alone. Don't even go there, girlfriend!



Perez Hilton.jpg



For UnNews, this is Perez Hilton, signing off.

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