UnNews:UK divided on EU division decision

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20 December 2015

Cameron points to the star that will lead the EU to reform and away from Brexit temptation.

WESTMINSTER, England -- David Cameron has continued his campaign to make the EU exit referendum disappear this week with the sudden invention of a referendum over EU reforms. Noticing on his calendar that Britain had no planned referendums in the upcoming future, the Prime Minister duly popped off to Brussels to have a word with EU officials, who after adorning him with many great voucher deals on Belgian chocolate, told him that EU reform was entirely possible if he merely asked politely.

With the full might of the German banks' austerity enforcers still tied down in Greece, and with risk of being surrounded on all sides if another front was opened, German Chancellor Angela Merkel has been more than happy to sign a non-aggression "sure, sure...reforms you say?...of course, David" pact with the UK whilst the rest of the Greek barrels have had their bottoms scraped.

The Labour Party have also been pushing for EU reform rather than Brexit, with Jeremy Corbyn finally winning the debate with himself over the EU question and promising to stick to his latest view — whatever that was. He then began to work on conjuring some unity out of his front bench, something that the BBC have dedicated a segment in their daily Springwatch programme to covering as it happens, bit by bit, slowly but surely, over the next two springs.

Unlike the divided "terrorist"[1] scum in the party opposite, the Conservative Party have prided themselves in their patriotic and united effort to remain as divided on the EU question as they are on Heathrow expansion, HS2 and their own economic policy. Conservative MP Liam Fox finally answered the begging question, "What does the Fox say?" with a resounding "No" to the EU, whilst former Prime Minister John Major has complained that without Brussels' sprouts, it would be a return to the bad old days of peas.

As the debate over the EU rages, speculation has been raised over how it all began. Was it when Farage brought up the subject of immigration? Was it the threat of ISIS? Or was it when the Imperial Army of the Great EU Empire invaded Britain's shores, burnt down the villages and pillaged from the population? Questions that have been floating about in every Conservative MP's mind.

  1. ↑ Terminology note: Not all the Labour party's MPs are terrorists, just the ones who voted against the Syrian airstrikes. Their colleagues, by definition, are mere terrorist sympathisers.

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