UnNews:UKIP to launch independent independence campaign

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1 September 2015

Due to be released in 2016 or maybe 2017.

DONCASTER, England -- Nigel Farage has announced that the UK Independence Party (UKIP) will wage a referendum campaign to have Britain leave the EU, independently to the rest of Westminster. Farage called this a continuation of UKIP party tradition of being independent of anything possible — even of people with the same views.

The move may be problematic, in that three other anti-EU campaigns already exist, yet only one can be official.

  • The Know campaign was started by business people after being featured in the Tatler's supplement: Top 50 things every billionaire needs to have to boast about at dinner parties. It is currently being run by their PAs.
  • Westminster's No Campaign comprises Conservative Party members and Jeremy Corbyn, who all not only want to take Britain out of the EU but put Corbyn in as Labour leader.
  • NO2EU - Yes to Democracy was started by people too left-wing to vote for Corbyn. It backs Britain leaving the EU — in order to enter a Communist Europe.

Farage said, "The Westminster No Campaign is clearly a plot by the EU itself to infiltrate the British people's campaign for freedom and cleanse our precious bodily fluids." A former stockbroker, Farage is banking on UKIP's already large support base and hopes those invested in UKIP haven't lost interest.

The Yes Campaign got off to a slow start. After scouring Parliament for any member willing to stand up for membership in the EU, the campaign found only Carolyn McCall, who is instead the CEO of EasyJet. This is expected to lead to huge delays, as the campaign cannot take off until waiting in line for the Jumbos, although it will provide extra leg room, seat-back trays, and even an emergency exit if the campaign goes belly-up. McCall intends to use university students to unload policy baggage at the cheapest rates ever.

With both the Yes and the No Campaign floundering in their infancy, the referendum is likely to be won by the Maybe Campaign. This was set up by the Liberal Democrats who, although they have a firm view to stay in the EU, are willing to compromise or even change their opinion if it pays to. A victory for Maybe would clear the way for the next two Prime Ministers to continue to tease the issue, resulting in another non-binding referendum around 2025.

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