UnNews:Oscar Wilde ordered to appear in all Uncyclopedia articles

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Tuesday, November 5, 2024, 08:14:59 (UTC)

19 October 2007

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Oscar Wilde is the funniest thing ever, says both Uncyclopedia and new poll.

“This is the greatest decision ever made by the online community!”
~ Oscar Wilde on this great news.

“Some one tell James Joyce to kiss my ass! Has anyone heard from that damn fool lately. Why doesn't Finnegan come over and Wake my balls!”
~ Oscar Wilde on James Joyce being weak.

“Seriously though, who is this guy?”
~ Noel Coward on the announcement.

“You are all going to pay for this!”
~ Mike Tyson on quotes by Irish playwrights that think they are clever.

LONDON, England -- The late Irish playwright Oscar Wilde, whose plays include The Importance of Being Ernest and Ernest Goes to Jail, was recently voted number one in a list of the greatest British wits.

Wilde, who, even on his deathbed, remarked, "either Friends gets canceled or I get canceled," was voted number one in the list of comic masters, ahead of John Cleese, Ozzy Osbourne, Donald Pleasence, and comedian Spike Milligan. Milligan, who came in second place, had engraved on his tombstone, "I told you I was ill."

Third was Wilde's evil twin, Stephen Fry, who portrayed the playwright in a movie about his life.

This victory has led Oscar Wilde-friendly Wiki Uncyclopedia to order all contributors to include Wilde in every single article on the popular website. "It's for the good of Uncyclopedia," quipped fellow Uncyclopedia running joke This Guy. "Oscar would be so proud of this decision."

Effective Monday, October 22, all Uncyclopedia articles in all namespaces will be huffed if they fail to include Oscar Wilde in some way, shape, or form, even if it's just a lame quote. "Even the tiniest contribution will help," says Wikipedia founder Jimbo Wales.

After his untimely death, Oscar Wilde went on to sell the movie rights to his Ernest plays, and then went on to found Uncyclopedia. The website's success led Wilde to helm the ill-fated motion picture, The Uncyclopedia Movie, panned by critics and public alike becoming the worst box-office disaster of all time. Even more than that Kevin Costner film.

The move had not being met with unanimous delight with one grand old dame of the British Empire declaring that "Wit ought to be a glorious treat like caviar, never spread about like marmalade."