UnNews:Obama gives immigration crisis a fly-by

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A newsstand that's brimming with issues ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:21:59 (UTC)
Obama gives immigration crisis a fly-by UnNews Logo Potato.png

9 July 2014

This artist's rendition shows what the President might look like if he wanted to be anywhere near guns or Republican governors.

DENVER, Colorado -- U.S. President Barack Obama went to the American southwest, near where thousands of underaged Central Americans have been streaming into the country.

The President is mindful of the flak that former President Bush took, at the hands of pundits such as B. Obama, for flying Air Force One over the Hurricane Katrina damage and waving to his constituents. Bush would go on to don a flight suit and tell FEMA, "Mission Accomplished," as it kept doctors and food supplies away from the disaster area until federal forms had been completely filled out.

The President's new spokesman Josh said in Earnest that the President's absence from the site of the border invasion was natural, as all the $1000-a-plate contributors were at a banquet in Dallas and none were at the border. He did condescend to shake the hand of Governor Rick Perry and take a few selfies, after their representatives agreed that serious discussions would be delegated to subordinates and no one would keep comparing the border crisis to Katrina. Indeed, the Executive Branch won its lawsuit to force Arizona to award driver's licenses to illegals. Josh Earnestly stated that, as Arizona would have to ignore illegal residence in the country, it could also ignore the age requirements for driver's licenses. Giving licenses to the unaccompanied minors streaming into the U.S. will ensure that they can break the law more safely, he said.

Instead, the President went directly to Colorado, where he swilled beer and played pool with Governor Fluffernutter. This was a shrewd attempt to blunt criticism that he plays too much golf during national crises, and to distance himself from California swells, who instead sip Chablis and play croquet.

Governor Perry in Texas did offer the President a friendly competition of shooting cow pies at the Bush ranch. Reportedly, Mr. Bush himself offered to participate with entertaining anecdotes of life after a laughably ineffective Presidency, but Mr. Obama declined the rifle contest, as he still has had no time to figure out which is the "business end" of the instrument.

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