UnNews:Measles party epidemic traced to Neil Armstrong’s old boot

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13 February 2015

Measles party illness traced back to Armstrong

ST. CLAIRSVILLE, Ohio -- The first man on the moon stepped in more than mankind bargained for; as the latest “measles party” epidemic is traced to a spawn-like colony, stuck to the late Neil Armstrong’s old space boot.

Armstrong’s Widow Carol, looking for a spacesuit for the kids to play with, disturbed the purple pulsating spawn. Within hours, the family were infected and panic-planning a string of opulent “space measles” parties.

Mrs Armstrong said: “The onset was instant. Luckily we already have a giant gazebo, but you ever tried to get hold of an Apollo motion simulator or high-G centrifuge at short notice? Not to mention Tom Hanks.

The news was soon viral on Facebook and Mumsnet. Locals started planning increasingly luxuriant "space measles parties" for Armstrong’s family and friends; intent on making sure they, through their children, aren't out done in the latest sickness party assailing.

Purple spawn found on old space boot.

Kevin Porter, a junior accountant from Washington’s Metro area said: “The Armstrongs are doing Space Measles, the ultimate in boutique sick; I've had to put the yacht on EBay for this one.”

However, Ken Mattingly, a spokesperson from the department of public health, advised caution: “I have not got the measles, this is nothing to do with measles. I want you to take your children’s party to a launch pad and let a rocket incinerate all of you, yes… it’s that bad.”

Mrs Armstrong felt differently: “I am proud, happy and thrilled that we were the first. Spreading measles will be a whirlwind of homes-and-gardens events.

"Everyone's fascinated to see if Buzz is drinking again, and Marilyn Lovell is even letting NBC put an antenna on her lawn. Other than cost implications, the measles itself seems fairly benign. All that’s happened to me is a new ability to see in infra-red, very good for tracking a loose pet; oh and at night I dream about hunting people.”

Sources[edit]

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