UnNews:ISIS defeated in final "act of cowardice"
| Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 20:56:59 (UTC) |
| ISIS defeated in final "act of cowardice" | 
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3 February 2022
ATMEH, Syria -- The leader of ISIS killed himself and his family with explosives Thursday, as U.S. forces stormed his hideout in Syria.
U.S. President Joe Biden called the death of Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi "a final act of desperate cowardice."
Mr. Biden stated that a less cowardly, more manly way to end it would have been to obey the U.S. troops as they yelled, "Come out with your hands up!" like they do in the movies, and valiantly give Mr. Biden a "bump" in the polls.
At that point, al-Qurayshi could have been taken to Guantanamo Bay in concert with a public-relations push to dismantle that George W. Bush brainstorm [sic]. In the meantime, al-Qurayshi could be given his Electronic Benefit Card and registered to vote.
A terrorist with courage would have let the U.S. fly him to a large city such as New York for a hearing on his crimes across Arabia, after which he would be freed on personal recognizance without bail and flown, without a Coronavirus test, to his choice of home city until it is time for him to "appear at his hearing." A hero would have held a joint press conference with the President, campaigning together to revive Mr. Biden's "Build Back Better" plan.
A real man might have disclosed that he is actually a woman, one of al-Qaeda's rare transgender terrorists. Such an admission would bolster Mr. Biden's credentials with the LGBT community, and might also be a way for him to fulfill his campaign promise to consider no one for the current Supreme Court vacancy except a "woman of color".
Instead, the rank coward blew up the entire third story of his secret compound, killing himself, his family, and perhaps Mr. Biden's final hope of holding the U.S. Senate after the November elections.
Senior officials said the U.S. attack had been planned for months. Planners knew there were women and children nearby, and thus ruled out overwhelming force, opting to have a small number of Special Forces wear sneakers and approach the building on tiptoe, calling out to neighbors to get away before the imminent surprise attack.
The Associated Press reported that there was blood on the walls after the explosion. A bedroom next door contained a wooden crib, and there was also a dead dog, whose name was Fido, probably.
The death of al-Qurayshi surely marks the end of Arabian jihadism, as the enemy will not simply regroup and appoint a replacement. The massive carnage was not expressly the fault of the U.S. However, no matter; though it is well-established that #TrumpOwnsEveryDeath, conventional wisdom is that Mr. Biden owns none of them. In fact, it is possible that ex-President Donald Trump took time out from crowing over CNN firing Jeff Zucker to fly to Syria and toss the bomb himself.
Sources[edit]
- Dave Boyer and Ben Wolfgang "Biden says ISIS leader blew himself up as U.S. special forces closed in". Washington Times, February 3, 2022