UnNews:Four Palestinians killed in panty raid

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"Those nerds saw me naked," says witness

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress ✪ UnNews ✪ Sunday, December 22, 2024, 11:16:59 (UTC)
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24 May 2006

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We won't be seeing tourists to Israel looking like this anymore.

RAMALLAH -- In the center of the West Bank city of Ramallah, terrorism reared its ugly foreskin on Wednesday during a panty raid. Authorities on the scene are still investigating, and are baffled by the cause of exploding undergarments.

Mohammed al-Shubukibuki, a leading member of the [insert name here] Jihad group, was arrested for questioning by Israeli police. A spokesmean said that he was linked to a roadside bombing where the victim was left underwearless and slightly seared when they stopped for a potty break.

Rumors that the international corporation, Victoria's Secret, is pulling completely out of the Gaza Strip has caused widespread panic among Isreali and Palestinian women alike. As staff from the lingerie chain began pulling out of the square, they were pelted with rocks, and a crowd of people flooded into the streets, chasing the departing Humvee's filled with panties and push-up bras.

"The Israeli government and Army are doing their best to increase tensions and destroy the truce," said the spokesman of whatever Jihad, Jar Jar al Abdul-Binks. "All the fun has gone out of living in refugee camps now that there is no way to perpetrate a panty raid without the fear of being blown up...those bastards!!!"

US Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice, had this to say, "We understand that Middle Easterners take their panty raids seriously. W00T, boy do I know! We are prepared to aid in any way possible to make panty raids safer for combatants and non-combatants alike!"

Over 5,000 Palestinian deaths have been attributed to "panties violence" in the past two years. Politicians in Iran are discussing mounting panty raids into Israel, in support of their Muslim Fundamentalist comrades.


Sources[edit]

  • "Yuri" of the former KGB
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