UnNews:Democrats to fix crowded debate

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10 January 2016

O'Malley takes off his tie and chills in the hotel lobby while the two real candidates debate away.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Martin O'Malley, the former governor of Maryland, may be excluded from the next Democratic Party debate, as there are an unworkably large number of candidates on stage.

NBC News, which is hosting the debate based on its decades-long reputation for veracity, had said that only candidates with 5% support could participate. It later changed that to 5% either nationally or in Iowa or New Hampshire or South Carolina. O'Malley is polling only 4.5% and only in Iowa, well below Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, but NBC now says it will simply round up. A network executive says that O'Malley can dip down as far as 2.5% and still be included, if NBC "rounds up to the nearest 5%."

An Iranian senior aide to Ms. Clinton stated, "Ms. Clinton is an old lady who often gets confused." Clinton spokesman Brian Fallon twerked that "it would be fairer if Ms. Clinton only had to face one adversary." He noted that the Republican Party also has an unmanageable number of candidates, and television deals with this by creating an "undercard debate," outside prime time, where fringe and niche candidates can jaw all they want. Mr. Fallon said Gov. O'Malley should be honored to be sat at a table to discuss a nuclear Iran with himself, while Ms. Clinton and Sen. Sanders, in the real debate, agree with one another that it is all the fault of Wall Street.

At a campaign event in Iowa, Gov. O'Malley blasted the suggestion that he sit out the real debate. He also criticized NBC for scheduling the debates on Saturday night, opposite NFL playoff games. He called the process rigged, as every Presidential candidate does, just before their campaign seizes up, the funding dries up, and they have to wind it up.

Democratic Party chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz said that letting all three candidates participate would be fairest, because it would provide two alternatives for anti-Clinton voters.

The debate will be held in Charleston, South Carolina on January 17, which is also known as the NFL Divisional Semi-Finals, moderated by Lester Holt "as told to Fidel Castro" on NBC News. Co-sponsors are YouTube and the Congressional Black Caucus. YouTube plans to use its advertisements to show how its famous videos drive destitute young Arabs to spontaneously riot in front of American consulates with their shoulder-fired rocket launchers from home without any provocation by al-Qaeda. The Black Caucus, meanwhile, will use its ads to point out how the Republican Party divides Americans by skin color.