UnNews:British politics resigns

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8 May 2015

Exit polls predicted many would exit.

WESTMINSTER, UK -- British politics has officially resigned today. The law that the party not in government must always do better than the party in government was shattered. The General Election Polls predicted that neither Labour nor Conservative party would get a majority. This was to herald the most complicated post-election talks for 50 years. They were wrong. These poll-makers have resigned.

Ed Miliband assured the Election Debate audience that his party could get a majority. His party obtained 232 seats, the Conservative Party obtained 331 seats. He was wrong. He has resigned. Nick Clegg thought that the Liberal Democrats would hold most of their seats and get back in government with one of the main two parties. He was wrong. He has resigned. Nigel Farage thought that the time was right for working class people and out-of-touch gentry to unite with a party promising to evict HIV from its residency in Britain. He was wrong. He has resigned.

Former Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls, Miliband's right-hand man, thought he could easily hold his seat in an election. He was wrong. The public have forced him to resign. Douglas Alexander knew that as the main campaign manager for the Labour Party, the SNP wouldn't dare to take his Scottish seat away from him. He was wrong. The public have not only forced him to resign but have also replaced him with a student. Vince Cable knew that his political career as a distinguished a competent MP would be enough to save him from the slaughter of Lib Dems in the election. He was wrong. The public have forced him to resign.

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The British public knew that this was the election that would change British politics forever. Despite the constraints of the first-past-the-post voting system, small parties would grab a few seats here and there and force in broad coalition governments. There would be a new era of politics dominated not by the two main parties but parties on ideological extremities. Great change would come. The Conservative Party increased their majority, the government went from a coalition to a majority, UKIP lost a seat, the Greens were unable to gain a seat, the SNP has played no part in forming a government, the Lib Dems were annihilated, smaller parties and independents lost the most seats in council elections. The British public were wrong. They have resigned.