UnNews:Beatles complete sequel trilogy

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3 November 2023

The Beatles — the world's first actual rock band.

LIVERPOOL, United Kingdom -- British rock band The Beatles have released their final song, completing the group's final installment in their sequel trilogy since their breakup in 1969.

After breaking up, frontman and only known man to be bigger than Jesus (who also stole his look), John Lennon was shot and killed in December 1980 after telling a poacher that he was a walrus. With this, the remaining lads stole some of John's demo tapes while they had Yoko Ono distracted.

"Originally, there were three tapes," Paul McCartney recalled of the theft. "But George didn't like the third one and threw it away."

The group, now calling themselves the Fab Three, finished two of the demos, marking the start of the Beatles sequels — minus the Disney buy-out. "Free as a Bird" was released in 1995, with "Real Love" being released a year later as part of their Anthology albums.

"As are all good things, however, " Ringo Starr told. "We needed to make this a trilogy... like RoboCop. Or something. Peace and love."

Current score is two out of four.

But as Harrison had thrown away the last tape, this could not be — despite how many more albums Paul made. Luckily, George passed away in 2001 due to cancer, meaning that the other two could now go against the 'quiet Beatle'.

"We had no idea where to start looking," so-called fifth Beatle George Martin spoke of the search. "But with the help of Artificial Intelligence, it could do it for us! Which was also handy, as I died in 2016."

The A.I. searched all of the garbage tips around the country, as well as any and all pawn or music shops that could have recovered the tape. It took 22 years, but finally in 2023 the lost tape was found and in good enough condition that Paul and Ringo could still listen to it — after another lengthy search of finding a cassette deck.

After a month of additional production, and another two of hyping the hell out of the "last Beatles song ever", it was finally released, ending their sequel trilogy after a long 28 years. The track "Now and Then" has already been criticised for having a young Lennon on lead vocals with old Paul on backing, but at least all agree it's way better than Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.