The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
If you were looking for the Empire of Antarctica, sorry, but it was eaten by a polar bear.
The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica
Antarcticaflag.jpg AntarcticCoatOfArms.gif
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: 'Proletarii vsekh stran, soyedinyaytes'! (Workers of the world, unite!)
Anthem: My vodka is frozen again, and I can't find my matches.
Capital Novolazarevskaya
Largest city Strathcona
Official language(s) Russian, Ukrainian
Government Democracy, federalism
President of Russia Laura Spatafora
National hero(es) The Penguin
 of Independence
1991, from the Soviet Union
Currency ruble
Religion Russian Orthodox, formerly state atheism
Major exports Snow Cones, Vodka, Bob Saget movies, Penguins, Snow, Happy Feet
Major imports Space Heaters, Linux, hookers, fire, sweet Jesus anything that is warm, blankets, cold corn, cold tobacco, Cold War, nuclear weapons, and coldsores

The Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica (Russian: Анархия, translit. Anarchia, the "ch" pronounced as in "loch"), is one of the 16 republics, which appeared after the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991. It is part of the Empire of Antarctica, a large land mass, whose only difference from the Arctic is that it is located on the pole opposite to it. Nobody lives there, except for the people who do. It's really cold, so nobody needs a refrigerator. However, a few members of the elite own refrigerators to show off and to sleep inside.

Antarctica is the fourth largest continent in the world. It has been infiltrated by some Soviet Communists, who maintain a secret base there ostensibly for "scientific research", but the likely reason is to gather intelligence on the U.S.'s top-secret weapons programs from a relatively undetectable spot. They do not get paid and are therefore considered volunteers.


Antarctica is unique among nations in that it was granted independence before being settled.

Antarctica was settled in 1990 by Yuri Yarov, a millionaire from Murmansk, Russia. Yarov brought a band of 100,000 men, women and aphids to the tiny King Porge Island. They began what was known as the Great Failed Experiment. No one knows why it is quoted as a failure; this is thought to be anti-Antarctican propaganda by the rest of the world's governments. Yuri Yarov was an executive secretary of the Commonwealth of Independent States.

Yuri Yarov, his 6 wives, 2,700 concubines, and pet aphid "Reginald" followed him to the mainland to establish a permanent colony. Once he discovered a planting method for cold corn and cold tobacco, he immediately set to work starting an economy based on agriculture.

Yarov received the Order of the Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica on June 2, 1998, and he hung it in the Kremlin of Antarctica, which is build entirely from ice.

Aware that countries like the Soviet Union and the United States of America were planning to claim Antarctica for their exploitative purposes, Yarov declared himself the "leader" of the small continent. Antarctica continues to this day to be a completely anti-authoritarian non-state. Its media rarely issues important reports because the wendigos prevent reporters from going out at night and besides that, it's cold. An exception to this is the yearly punk rock festival in Yarov, when all the gilded youth of Antarctica sits on an iceberg close to the Republic's capital, waiting for the musicians to arrive, which has only happened once so far, entirely by accident.


Antarctica has a democratic government. It was formerly part of the Russian Kremlin in Moscow until the Soviet Union's collapse in 1991. Order is maintained through on-the-spot agreements and the total lack of useful weapons. (In the extreme cold, metal fails almost instantly. Knives can only be used indoors. But in the relative heat of Antarctic homes, everyone is always peaceful and sedate. Even foreigners have been observed conforming to this ethic. However during the summer where it is actually warm(er) enough to have penguins come out and start communicating about trade, and who gets which glacier to hunt from, a government does form.

The combined force of penguins in Antarctica is enough to enslave, butt-rape, destroy and recreate the world eleventy billion times over, but extreme and really freaking obnoxious cold forces them to remain unorganized and focus their efforts on discussing last week's "Grey's Anatomy". Penguins like Grey's Anatomy.

The original name for the non-state was Anarchia, but this eventually fell out of use. However the Russian name is still "Anarchia", a transliteration from the Russian Cyrillic alphabet.

Currently, Laura Spatafora is the president. However due to her sociopathic tendencies and foreign birth, he is only a puppet with no actual power. Acting presidents are Mikhail Abramovich in the Democratic Party and Ivan Korotchenya in the United Antarctica Party. The latter, Ivan Korotchenya, is from Belarus and was a former executive secretary of the Commonwealth of Independent States, an organization referring to the the 12 of 16 former-Soviet republics. Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, and the Democratic Penguin's Republic of Antarctica did not join.

2010 Federal Election[edit]

In October 18, 2010, Mikhail Abramovich was assassinated in Strathcona, Antarctica, after delivering a speech which was anti-Marxist and anti-communist, and spoke of freedom of speech and relaxed censorship. A pro-communist, standing just in front of Abramovich, pulled out a Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle and shot Abramovich in the head. He was pronounced dead at Vladimir Ilyich Lenin hospital on 255 Lenin Street, Strathcona.

"Increased censorship, and the presence of personal security, is the goal of the state", said by the new democratic party leader Laura Spatafora. Unlike many elections throughout the world, the election is taken at midnight, universal time coordinated (Greenwich). Within a few hours the election polls were closed, and Spatafora won the election by 80%, forming the largest majority government in the state's history from the fall of the Soviet Union.


Antarctica's population is made up of Emperor penguins (give or take), and an unidentified number of snow ninja. However, some individuals correspond to more than one of these categories. The feared Yeti is also rumored to have come form this part of the world.

Antarctica's population is 625, and the population density is .2 people/km2.

Notable citizens[edit]

One notable citizen of the Democratic Penguins' Republic of Antarctica is Jack Pen, a globally recognised wildlife expert who was reported missing on his trip to the continent, where he planned to study penguins. Reportedly, once he entered the country, he was no longer allowed to leave it, and was granted a honorary Antarctican citizenship, due to his achievements in the rest of the world. He is currently retired in his luxurious villa in Côte de Glace, where he occasionally produces a film to boost the country's economy.


The official languages of Antarctica are Russian, Ukrainian, Polar and Greenlandese, though the aristocrats often learn other languages.

Film Industry[edit]

After Los Angeles, Bollywood, India and Kiev (in Ukraine) Antarctica produces more movies than any other place in the world. Among its best known works are April of the Puffins (produced by a famous Antarctican movie director Jack Pen), Scott of the Sahara (produced by a famous Antarctican movie director Jack Pen), Antarctica minus Five-O (produced by a famous Antarctican movie director Jack Pen), and Beverly Tundra 90210 (produced by a famous Antarctican movie director Jack Pen). Once, an Antarctican film made it to America on a wooden raft and had wild box-office success: that movie is known only as March of the Penguins. Considering the amount of wood rafts sent to the USA, the chances were not low that at least one would have gotten there.

See also[edit]