The Contents in Marmite
“There is an invincible taste for prostitution in the heart of man, from which comes his love of Marmite”
Marmite is a British spread that is used in food technology for coating toast, bread or a hamburger with. It is famous throughout the World as an example of typical British cuisine, which as many non-British people will point out is made up of brown food substances derived from alcohol. The contents of marmite are quite unclear at first by simply looking at the substance. However after reading the label, people can at least pronounce the names of the ingredients.
In 2010 marmite was at the forefront of modern political disputes when the Danish attempted to ban the import of Marmite into Denmark, thanks to the risk of marmite spillage in the Baltic Sea, as marmite is very difficult to clear up. In retaliation the British Government banned the import of LEGO and Carlsberg into Britain. This confused many pub landlords who'd always thought that Carlsberg was Irish. The British public's opinion on Marmite is that you either hate it, love it or you're Irish and you swore that Carlsberg was Irish as well.
The Nutritious flavour and value of Marmite[edit]
Marmite has one of those flavours that with one sniff of it you are addicted for life. It is made from beautiful little microrganisms: yeast that after providing us with beer leave behind a delicious syrup extract at the bottom of the lucious fermenter. The pleasant maroon colour and exsquisite flavour is made by adding a few spoonfuls of the beer itself. It can taste even better than beer though when it is spread across your bread and cheese is added.
The wonderful mixture of yeast extract and beer is then stirred up in a gigantic home-made style saucepan. This adds that zing to the marmite that just doesn't appear in vegimite and other copy-cat products.
The huge amounts of Vitamin A and C in the marmite strengthen the bones and teeth, which just goes to show that with great taste there are amazing benefits. Marmite production is therefore a natural process that involves taking yeast from local brewers up and down the country and doing something useful with it to make it into an edible success.
The unatural flavours and artificial preservatives[edit]
After the marmite is produced the company take it off to a big, dirty warehouse where they tip the sticky tar-like substance in a giant vat and heat it. Once it is heated to the optimum temperature the enzymes in the yeast start working and it comes alive again. They start devouring some the fish eyeballs that are thrown in to add "flavour" by sucking on the fish eyeballs. Figures have shown that when you heat the marmite 65% of the yeast is still alive and potentially could start eating you from the inside.
The marmite is then added to artificial preservatives. These include Salmonella, a deadly bacteria and manure. Marmite say that the salmonella that they add to preserve the marmite is dormant and inactive but there are no tests to show this.
Finally the marmite is ready to be bottled up. Marmite try to be green by using recycled plastic marmite tubs but they don't actually clean them out. The marmite is poured into here where more tar is added to make the colour less brown-green. The top is then screwed on using a machine that is cleaned by poisonous acidic wash and the marmite is sent out to kitchens all across the country spreading disease and death with it.
How to consume Marmite[edit]
Marmite is usually consumed on toast or with bread and cheese. Some like to drink beer with it. This beer can range from any Irish variety. Maybe Guiness or Carlsberg. Although some say that Carlsberg is Danish.
Recent independant research has proved that Carlsberg does contain fossilised fingernails of Danish origin in it but conflicting research done in 2001 by the Etymology of Food Department, Manchester University, suggests that Carlsberg sounds like an Irish beer. This led the EU food healthcare commision to carry out a series of DNA tests on the Carlsberg to find out where it had originated from. The tests were mainly inconclusive but did show that Carlsberg was HIV positive. This has only given the British more of an excuse not to import the beer into the country.