Military Intelligence

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This missile knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation, arc of descent for pleasure, maybe a linear-algebra-dirived matrix or two for great justice... and so on.

Two words combined that can't make sense.

~ Dave Mustaine on military intelligence

Military intelligence is mastery of military tactics and strategery, and can be quantified by a measure called MIQ, or Military Intelligence Quotient. MIQ is defined as 200 minus the intelligence quotient (IQ); a person with a high IQ has a low MIQ and vice versa. As a result, the Commander in Chief will usually have a lower IQ than anybody else in the military, and sometimes the entire country.

Common ways of increasing one's military intelligence are not studying in school, repeatedly banging one's head against the wall, and, of course, reading Conservapedia for extended periods of time.

Military intelligence[edit]

The military has many secret devices that are unusable by everyday people.

Military intelligence is the process of using cat's to find there umbrellas and kill them slowly will licking there face. Also the process of making zombie in order to take over the world with ZOMBIES to destroy all of life on earth.

The public is meant to be fully aware of this data as soon as it is discovered, and avid news people will send this information over worldwide radio, television, the Internet, and even write detailed thesis reports as soon as the information is known. This helps to educate those who were not informed of such knowledge, now already common, because they shamefully neglected to turn on their TV in the morning.

You can usually spot an MI employee by the 50 extra pounds in the ass area, pretentious conversations, or generally unhealthy, unkempt appearance. Military Intelligence "professionals" have been known to play games like World of Warcraft, Dungeons and Dragons, or various other games designed for nerds.

The most obvious example of Military Intelligence is the belief held by the Military that guns are an effective solution to all the world's problems, not realizing that guns don't kill people; Magic Missiles do.

Military Intelligence Training[edit]

The United States posesses the sleekest, most advanced training program for war in the middle-east. No, not Oscar Wilde, but Grand Theft Auto. This is the program, founded by the United States government, shows exactly the soldiers mission in Iraq. Blowing. People. Up. The average person has the capability to do this, but has an Intelligence Quotient of over 80, so lacks the Military Intelligence Quotient necessary to wage war in Iraq.

The rest of the world's oppressive, horrible governments (you know, the ones who hate freedom and our way of life) have tried banning this game, hoping their peasants don't pick this game up, use their uneducated and illiterate European minds to decrease their Intelligence Quotient, and through transitive property, increasing their Military Intelligence Quotient. They are WRONG! Such governments have utilized the United States Military Intelligence, and established fine government establishments, such as:


More often than not, nations worldwide do not appreciate foreign spies observing thier armed forces. This has led to the creation of counter-intelligence (not to be confused with smart kitchen surfaces). Usually, counter-intelligence organizations are headed by a country's government. Thier sole purpose is to keep other nations from obtaining secret information by guarding it, similar to the way Al Roker guards his sclice of apple pie.

In the U.S, this department is known as the Department of Military Stupid, which is the obvious opposite of the CIA. The Department of Military Stupid is commonly known by its innitials, DMS. The DMS was originally developed for counter-intelligence by George W. Bush in 2001. However, the following year, it was re-organized to gather intelligence as a sister agency to the CIA. President Bush often uses the DMS for information, and this is what led him to believe Iraq had [[]], and that Canada's single chihuahua was being used as a butt-scratcher by a wookie. The Department of Military Stupid also tried to cover up the abuse cases at Guantanamo Bay Prison. However, they experienced an epic failure.