Interstate

“If you don't know where you're going, you might not get there.”

~ Yogi Berra on Interstates

There's one for everybody.

Along a state-funded interstate.

The Jerry Seinfeld Trans-National Interstate System of the United States of America, commonly called the road I take is a network of purple lines in the United States with illegal connections in Canada, Mexico and Texas. The system has a total length of 47,003.1415926535 Kellicams.

The interstate system is secretly funded by the United States government, though they state it's funded by taxpayers. That money has other uses.

This highway system serves all major US cities, except for that one city up in the north. The systems pass through the downtown sections of major cities, which prompts major traffic jams, finger-pointing, outdated your mom jokes and lack of progress.

The system is an important aspect in the life of all humans and extraterrestrial life, with most materials, goods and drugs transported along interstates. Those who avoid the interstate system usually lead normal, congestion-free lives while those who take the interstates have a 95% greater chance of being admitted to a mental asylum.

History

Even though Jerry Seinfeld contributed nothing to the interstate system, he commemorated the interstate system to himself during a drunken rage of pointless amendments to American lawls.

In the year 1875, every single major city in the United States of America was cut off from access from the rest of the nation. Many people in these cities relied on their own farming efforts and work from their neighbours. In that year, the United States government declared document 56-2214878.2424424/4284.5353 - AB: The Progression Act. The act stated that hay roads would be created to link major US cities with the booming technological rural areas around the nation. Hence, Interstate 999 was created, a link between Kansas City and New York City. The route proved to be unpopular due to continuous tornado damage and hay getting stuck in the hooves of horses moving carriages along the interstate. The interstate was scrapped in favor of a pornographic theatre at the USA/Canada border.

When the first dildo was invented in the early 1900s (or so I recall), the act was brought forward again by the AAAAAAAAA corporation. Along with the invention of orgasm, (later condensed to asphalt, after the dictionary typer lost his 'F' key), the interstate system would go on, with 3 interstates developed. Although only 4 people used them in the first 10 years, there were many positive comments.

"At first I thought having arsenic tar placed in front of my business would be horrible, but since Buickman came by, my business has been booming! Soon I'll be able to...buy...my own vehicle and use the interstates!" - Henry Ford

Eventually, the interstate system grew so large that the major US cities became technological havens themselves, while the rural areas became barren areas of farmland with little technological status. Through major work by Your Mom, in which the Interstate 96 crosses through, an interstate was able to make it to the state of Wikipedia, despite major apprehension by the general public. Illegal links to Toronto, Mexico and Texas were made, but their governments didn't care and welcomed the invasion of American billboard advertisements and transport traffic.

What the typical traffic stop looks like when pursued by the Highway Patrol or similar organization on the Interstate. Your license and registration may possibly be requested. Failure to comply with officer will subject offender to disintegration.

Signery

Signage for the Interstate 95.

Interstate highway signs are supposed to be a red, white and blue (wonder what that sounds like...) sign, though continuous vandalism of the signs don't make this so. The signs are quite simple, with the word INTERSTATE on top with the number underneath it. A recent error in printing have the word interstate as 'INTERCOURSE' which has resulted in many 'Intercourse 69' signs being stolen. Anybody who steals Interstate signs can be subjected to a $5.00 fine with 1 minute in a police car.

Trivia

• Alaska, Hawaii and Puerto Rico have interstate systems, but they can't be bothered to spend the money on bridges to the main land.
• Every one out of five miles of interstate must be flat in order to accommodate low-riders and drunken airplane pilots.
• Wal Mart has built 10 stores over interstates, most of which have weak flooring. They work on the motto, "Shop til' you drop".
• Even though overhead signs are supposed to state control cities, most states ignore this rule and replace city names with advertising logos. Drink Pepsi.
• Interstates are controlled by the states that they are located in. For interstates that cross multiple states, the state leaders determine the controlling state through a Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock competition.
• The Interstate system has many gaps which led to the rise of interest in off-roading.
• The most travelled Interstates are the ones located near the Pentagon, with 150,000 vehicles travelling around there daily. Most of which are FBI agents or spies trying to sneak into the Pentagon.

See Also

• Road
• The UnRoadMap
• Paiway Interstate System
• Cow
• List of people who seriously drive 55 MPH on the freeway