Immune system

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Krunk, too confused by the idea of an immune system, resumes pondering the age old paradox: Which is better for dinner, rock or crab?

“I can't explain why I don't need an immune system, I'm too busy prospering without it. 💋”


For many years, scientists have tried to unlock the mystery of the human immune system. In early times, man's thoughts about his immune system were mostly as follows:

  • 'Me feel bad'
  • 'Me feel good'
  • 'What happen?'
  • 'Me hungry'
  • 'Does crab taste good?'
  • Repeat

Early Beliefs[edit]

Although not yet fully realized, this was the beginning of the realization of the existence of an immune system and the philosophical ideas which would soon emerge from it. For the next 195,000 years no advancements were made in the science of immunology. The beliefs held by the inhabitants of this period were that our body was in fact diseased from lack of crab and rock in the diet, and to cure disease one must either learn Spanish or become Norwegian. Obviously these cures did nothing but make them look stupid (see: Swedish), as scientists now know that the true cure lies in none other than the Mormons.

Screenshot taken from Dr. Frank N'Furter's microscope

Later (prolly 'bout 1500) Dr. Frank N'Furter came to discover the first 'modern' notion of the immune system.

Observing blood through a microscope, Frank N'Furter saw what modern experts believe to be most accurately described by the image at the right. Known only to microbiologists and those who suck at FPS's, the biological process pictured is known as none other than 'haxing' or 'hacking like a faget', in which resentful blackteria complain about the white blood cell's mad skillz.

How It Works[edit]

Homosexual phagocytes, though themselves struggling for civil rights of their own, continue to oppress the blackteria. Them some f*cked up whities.

The immune system has developed over the years into a coherent system of cells. White blood cells are the despotic masters of the body, being the force behind the immune system. Similar to cops and White people, the white blood cells ruthlessly oppress the ethnic minorities of the body, mostly the blackteria. The white blood cells can be divided into the following orders...

  • T Cells: Latin for 'Mr. T Smashers' the T cells are the leaders of the immune system, also known as the Man(s). The T cells are white supremacists, probably introduced to the body by Hitler, and spend their time using the force to oppress the ethnic members of the body.
  • Helper T Cells: The actual officers of the force, do most of the brutality and beating.
  • Phagocytes: Latin for 'Faggot Cells', the phagocytes are in fact white blood cells that have hung around the genitalia for a tad bit too long, turning them homosexual. Though still white, they are treated as subhuman. The phagocytes are fervent protestors for equal rights, demanding the right to marry and make out (see: sharing of proteins). Also the cause of AIDS.

The other races and ethnicities of the body include:

  • Blackteria: The worst oppressed of all the ethnicities, the white blood cells are constantly on their backs. Most reside in the stomach and intestine, otherwise known as Compton and Harlem, where all but the ballsiest of white blood cells are too afraid to enter (except maybe the phagocytes, they seem to like the intestines for unknown reasons).
  • Fungislamics: The backward and harsh foreigners of the body, fungislamics are the cause of of yeast infections due to their bubbly rising of Islamic fervor in the body. Pissed off at their attacks on the lymph nodes the white blood cells have attempted to bomb the shit out of the followers of Islam, Osama bin Fungus has remained missing for years after.
  • Protohispanics: Immigrants from Mexico (see: the Toilet), they are resented by the lower white blood cells for taking jobs and for speaking in annoying accents. Usually deported through means of the anus many hide in the intestines (Harlem) and steal carbohydrates from neighboring cells.
  • Virasians: A race of tiny, and clever beings that appear to be harmless, but in fact can be quite dangerous; they make the white blood cell kids look bad.
  • Red blood cells: Known by the slur 'Red skins', these natives of the body are oppressed by the white blood cells and forced to live in reservations dispersed throughout the body while the whites control the cushier areas like the spleen. On these reservations they generally drink a terrible intoxicant known as oxygen, and occasionally are injured in the manufacture of dangerous explosives (sickle-cell disease).