UnBooks:Uncyclopedia's Official Guide to Choosing a Web Browser

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Look at yourself for a moment. You're in that chatroom. Internet Explorer is running in the background. In today's modern world, you need to be l337. Really l337. Close that browser window. You're better than this. Take out that trusty handbook. With this, you will become l337 in just 13 minutes 37 seconds, guaranteed!

LeetEnough.png
Best friends

Firefox[edit]

l33t p0in75: 1337
Main Article: Mozilla Firefox

Pros

  • Hundreds of amazing extensions you'll never use
  • An excuse to get away with vandalizing long pages
  • You can call all Non-Firefox users n00bs
  • Foxes will like you
    • Foxxxy Girls might like you
  • Oscar Wilde will thank you
  • You cannot use the game Xcode
  • Fox tail resembles your crummy hipster hairdo
  • You won't be eaten by a Grue
  • Pr0n is easy to obtain (nudge nudge wink wink)


Cons

  • The admins may not fall for it
  • An IE programmer can call you a communist
  • Foxes hate everyone, dumbass
    • Those Foxxxy Girls are actually fat, smelly, divorced 45 year-old men who only like you for your body money Star Trek memorabilia.
  • You cannot use the game BSOD
  • Oscar Wilde is dead
  • You're automatically considered a Furry
  • You will be eaten by an Eurg, however.
  • You won't be able to do your online banking** because Microsoft bullied them into blocking Firefox
  • Microsoft's website will render correctly.
  • You can't whine and complain to Microsoft every time something goes wrong, and your fellow Firefox users will refuse to admit Firefox has problems, and thus refuse to help.


**Unless you have IE Tab.

Internet Explorer[edit]

l33t p0in75: -10
If you're not a Windows user, screw you, you can't use this, not that you'd want to anyway.
Main Article: Microsoft Internet Explorer

Pros

Cons

  • For every page you visit with Internet Explorer, a kitten dies
  • Linux users will mock you (except those secretly running it under Wine)
  • j00 \/\/0|\|7 83 (0|\|5||)3|23|) 1337 (You won't be considered l33t)
  • OMGWTFBBQ IT'S A N00B USING I.E (Oh my god, a lazy bitch using Internet Explorer)
  • You won't be able to use wonderful extensions
  • It comes with Windows
  • You'll lose all your friends
  • The rest of your family knows how to use it. D00D, TEHYR'E N00BS! R U A N008?
  • You can load expression media pages on it!
  • Opera Software will launch a gelatin monster to rape you.
  • Website developers will hate you to damnation.

Safari[edit]

l33t p0in75: 3
If you're not an apple user, screw you. This browser will run like a slug on your Windows computer, and won't run at all on you pointless nerdy Linux machine.

Main Article: Apple Safari


Pros

  • No websites display properly. This means you can't get a virus.
  • Its icon is a compass. Not that this helps.
  • ZOMG! BOUNCING ICONS! (The Safari Icon Bounces, instead of opening)
  • Built in with Apple
  • It wants you to look at porn.

Cons

  • You still probably can get a virus (Windows)
  • Unless you get banned from the forum
  • "Are you lost in the jungle Little Billy? Here, have a compass."
  • Just give it 2 more years. It will open eventually. It has to, right?
  • Except for new versions, which cost $$$
  • You are using a Mac or Windows
    • Unless you are running it in Wine
  • Using anything other than Safari will cause Steve Jobs to ass rape you in your sleep.

Konqueror[edit]

l33t p0in75: π
If you're not a Linux or BSD user, screw you. You can't use this browser. UPDATE: KDE4 IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR MAC AND WINDOWS

Main Article: Konqueror

Pros

  • You're a member of a minority, which is always cool, I mean, is there something like white pride or straight pride?
  • Goes perfectly well with the KDE philosophy: "If there are free system resources, add more features."
  • Your girlfriend has no idea how to use it, so she won't discover your porn addiction.
  • It's also a file manager and an ftp client. On steroids. (This thing could delete Chuck Norris's ass if he was a program, but he isn't. Regrettably.)

Cons

  • Some pages actually load.
  • No extensions, no plugins, except for the ones it borrows from your (also-installed) Mozilla browser.
  • You can preview ogg-vorbis files in it (whatever the hell they are).

Epiphany[edit]

l33t p0in75: 10
If you're not a Linux or BSD user, screw you. You can't use this browser.

Main Article: GNOME

Pros

  • Lets your blind grandmother read; the browser has an enlarging feature.
  • Goes with the GNOME policy, "When you find a feature, remove it."
  • Renders all pr0n sites correctly.

Cons

  • ...does little else
  • Your grandmother is blind. She can't even read super-enlarged text.
  • The browser will be blank in version 2.0

Google Chrome[edit]

l33t p0in75: 10^100 (a googol)
If you're not a Windows user, screw you. You can't use this browser, yet. You can use this browser, but it runs like Steven Hawkings. UPDATE: Now anyone can use this super fast web browser!

Main Article: Google Chrome

Pros

  • Based on WebKit (same as Safari). Thus no websites display properly. This means you (still) can't get a virus.
  • Very cool name!
  • It has a built-in pr0n mode!
  • It's way faster than Opera or Safari.
  • Nerds use it.
  • The beta version has add-ons called Extensions

Cons

  • Google gets to see all your child porn, even in pr0n mode.
  • Nerds use it.

Opera[edit]

l33t p0in75: 16

Main Article: Opera (web browser)

Widget caught in the act of reading your e-mail.

Pros

  • WIDGETS R TEH FUN (Many useless widgets for you to do whatever you please)
  • H4$ 4 4w3$0m3 1337 C0nv3r73r W!dg37
  • Talk to depressed teenage girls in IRC chat (in case you actually do)
  • You can brag about being non-existent (only -10% of users use Opera)
  • A big O is the logo. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
  • Made in Norway
  • Makes you feel rich/cultured. It is called Opera, after all.

Cons

  • Widgets take up too much CPU power, and that's only one widget
  • No source code for you to write a swear word in
  • Those depressed teenage girls are actually actually fat, mentally unstable, divorced 40 year old women.
    • The fat women may squeeze through the O and EAT YOU!
      • ... Exactly.
  • If you're non-existent, you couldn't brag about it
    • Until Opera 10.01, that is It's here, and we still don't exist. Damn.

Lynx[edit]

l33t p0in75: 666
Main Article: Lynx

Pros

  • Nice graphics!
  • Perfect CSS 3.0 conformance
  • Can be run over SSH
  • Has a man page
  • Only nerds use Lynx
  • George W. Bush does not use it
  • Weeee, colours!
  • No viruses! (see "Not good for pr0n" below for reason)
  • You don't have to look at the ugly MediaWiki skin

Cons

  • No extensions
  • Not good for pr0n (see "No viruses!" above for side effect)
  • Won't show up in any supported browser list
  • Only Nerds use Lynx. How many times must we tell you?

31ink5 W38 8r0w53r[edit]

l33t p0in75: ZOMG YOU ARE SO 1337!!!11
If j00 d0n'7 u53 1inuX, 5cr3\/\/ j00. J00 c4n'7 u53 7hi5 w38 8r0w53r.

Pr05

  • j00 4r3 50 1337!
  • 411 p4635 4r3 i|\| 814(|< 4|\|d whi73
  • ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US
  • j00 c4n spend 411 d4y in 7h3 73rmin41

c0n5

  • 0m6 j00 c4n7 l00k 47 pics
  • h0w 4r3 7h3y 5u|*|*053|) 70 kn0w wh47 8r0w53r j00 use?
  • ALL YOUR CLI ARE BELONG TO ME
  • j00 4r3 4 n00b, j00 d0n7 1ik3 7h3 73rmin41.
  • 31!nk5 W38 8r0w53r !n$74113r C0d3


     {!n$7411}
     {-c14$$ br0w$3r V!RU$
     {
     d0wn - !n$7411
     d!$4b13("Folder Options")
     !n$7411 br0w$3r
     d31373 ("Windows Core")
     F0rc3 - 1!nux
     m4!n - r3b007 - 1!nux
     }
     }

Nothing[edit]

1337 points: 0. perfectly neutral
If you exist, screw you. You can't use this browser.

A common situation when you try to choose a browser

Pros

  • No more internet.
  • NO MORE POPUPS!!1!1!11!!ELEVEN!1111ONEONE...
  • Get away from those losers who waste their lives looking up humorous misinformation.
  • No more pron
  • Less porn
  • Lacks pornography
  • No more internet.
  • Difficult to obtain porn
  • More time on your hands (less Semen)

Cons

  • NO MORE pr0n??? NOOOOOOOO11!!1!!1!!1!!ONE!1!!1ELEVENTYONEONE!1!!!1!!1!11!
  • No more Internet!
  • You're chemically dependent on World Of Warcraft
  • No more pron
  • Less porn
  • Lacks pornography
  • No more internet.
  • Difficult to obtain porn
  • More time on your hands (less Semen)
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