From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Brasilia's landscape viewed from above, its dead corpse shape with the Government Palace at its heart, like a chestwound caused by a gunshot

Cquote1.pngDid you mean: Buenos Aires Cquote2.png
Google on Brasília

“It wasn't me! ”

~ President Lula

“The horror! The horror! ”

~ Joseph Conrad on Brasilia

“The media acts in a nazi-like manner! ”

~ Adolf Sarney, führer of Brasilia


~ Senator Eduardo "Diggity Dawg" Suplicy's rap on criminality

“j00 5T1nK m0TH4FU7K45 !!”

~ Hugo Chavez on brazilian senate

“455H0L3 5TFU j00531f n008 FTW!”

~ Brazilian senate on Hugo Chavez

Brasilia is the mostly secret capital of Brazil, from 9 am to 11 am, and from 2pm to 6 pm, closed during weekends and holidays, in vacation from October until March.Built far away from gringos' (and brazilians') reach, it concentrates the highest stolen dollars/m2 density rate in the world according to the guinness book, something that strangely makes the people proud. The currency is the cash-loaded briefcase, and the main exporting product is the parliamentar vote, for those interested in getting special benefits (hookers, yay!) at the expense of the hapless fools that the brazilians are.


Building the new crib[edit]

This man says the media acts in a nazi-like manner. Sounds legit.

In pre-history, that region saw a huge war in which invading indians had fought a bloody battle with their advanced water-baloon grenades and bamboo-made pogo jumpers against the dudes who lived there before. Their only defense, a complex mine field of banana peels, failed miserably in containing the invaders, which mercilessly massacrated everyone. Their spirits cursed that land and left to oblivion (Heaven and Hell would still be invented many millennia after that)

9/11 Terrorist attack.
9/11 Terrorist attack.

Thousands of years later, a bunch of drunken, homossexual, sex-addicted, portuguese sailors washed on the brazilian coast, settled, fucked the female (and sometimes male) natives, and built a disgusting civilization just like the rest of the europeans were doing back then. When Brazil declared independence, a sodomist became Emperor(royal orgies everyday).After him, his son, a decent guy, was bullied by Queen Victoria Latifah I of Britain to abolish slavery. When he did, Brazilians kicked his boot to France and wrote a new constitution themselves (actually, with british aid, as brazilians were mostly illiterate).On this republican constitution, among other minor things as the right of the military to take the power every now and then, it was written: The Capital must be changed. Rio's full of creepy niggas lately since this abolition thing. Move the capital to very far from everywhere so they don't see us stealing their money.PS:We're not nazis.Hitler chose the name of his party of this very document, which became decades later the guideline of the nazist party.

Just after that, General Panaka took the power and held it for decades, letting it go only to his friend and lover Vargas for a few years. Brazil had seen two world wars, and the people were weary of seeing the government stealing their money. They asked to move the government away of them so they wouldn't see it, and thus, wouldn't suffer it. So they elected the jewish president Jules Kubshaidaroylaschek, who did the biggest money laundering in brazilian history, and hired a pot-headed architect to build a new luxurious home away of the beggars. In the middle of nowhere, he built two towers and two giant tea cups, one upside down. And a few other crazy things while he was still smashed. There, the politicians made their home, built from the sweat of semi-slaves, so they could safely rob them more. A fair call, said the people.

The Twin White Cocks[edit]

The Thieves' Guild/Government Palace in Brasilia. Brazilians desperate appeal to Bin Laden remains: "Hey you goofhead! You missed these two other twin towers over here!"

Not a white house, but two white phallic structures were the choice of the politicians. For years, only senile generals and their bitches were allowed, huge orgies being the main policy there. Then, in the late 80s, feeling crushed by the ultimate doom of disco music and outfashioned by their democratic neighbors, the brazilian people decided to elect their people again.

THIS is the size of both Brazil and USA president's houses!

They wrote a new constitution(unaided this time, beaming with pride at the british as they wrote it).They overdid it a little by putting 500.000 or so articles, and kept increasing it with plenty of silliness in such a manner that inspired some fools to do Uncyclopedia (Wikipedia followed just after that).Despite that, the people, through their rigged elections, decided who would sit on The White Cocks since then.

When the XXI century began, in a steel company, the boss used a broom to poke a fat drunk bearded employee, so he would work. Angry, as the boss just interrupted the first sex dream of his life, the employee declared a marxist revolution, changed his name to Lula(squid) and founded a corrupt party, PT (or PUTA, the career of Mrs Lula). He did a riot in the factory and got his fellows in the party, became candidate and won, for 10 votes to 0 became president.

While sitting on the white cocks, he metaphorically (and perhaps literally) pooped on them. A huge money scandal happened, and this time people cared (it was not yet carnaval time, and there were no soccer games on tv that day). He claimed he didn't know anything, and hid in the white cocks, staying there until this very day.