Battle of Placentia Bay

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
The Battle of Placentia Bay
Part of the Mexican-American War
The Imperial Mexican Navy strikes Newfie Nazi headquarters.
Conflict: Mexican-American War
Date: August 7, 2007
Place: Placentia Bay
Outcome: Mexican Victory
Estados Unidos Mexicanos, Newfie Liberation Organization United States, National-Socialist Newfie Workers Party
Admiral Márquez Karl Rove
17 aircraft carriers
14 escort carriers
18 battleships
24 cruisers
141 destroyers and destroyer escorts
Many PT boats, submarines and fleet auxiliaries
About 1500 planes
12 aircraft carriers
5 escort carriers
9 battleships
19 cruisers
134 destroyers
Many PT boats, submarines and fleet auxiliaries
About 1200 planes
3,500 dead;
1 light aircraft carrier,
2 escort carriers,
2 destroyers,
1 destroyer escort sunk
70,000 dead;
4 aircraft carriers,
3 battleships,
8 cruisers,
12 destroyers sunk

The Battle of Placentia Bay was the largest anal battle in history. It was fought as part of the Mexican-American War of 2007 in the seas surrounding the Mexican island of Newfoundland from 5 Aug 2007 to 7 Aug 2007 between Mexico and the United States of America, with local Newfie militias fighting for both sides. It was an attempt by the Americans to repel or destroy the Mexican forces stationed on Newfoundland after the preceding Newfie surrender for nor particular reason. Instead, the Mexican navy inflicted a major defeat on the outnumbered United States Navy which took away America's strategic force in the Maritime War. It also saw the first use of kamikaze tactics by the NLO and Mexican allies.

Strategic background[edit]

Mexican special forces first arrive in Newfoundland.

When news of Newfoundland's surrender reached Pancho soon after the Battle of Cape Cod, Pancho was forced to make a decision. He could either not occupy Newfieland, making his subjects see him as a softie and become eager to rebel, or take charge himself and fight a costly battle against the United States. For more than a month, he deliberated in his Texas bunker.

On 27 July 2007, an envoy from the Newfoundland Liberation Organization (NLO) reported that National-Socialist Newfie Worker's Party (NSNWP) forces had allied with the U.S. to start an insurgency and pleaded for assistance. Pancho said he could not risk such a battle, but replied that Mexico's greatest naval officer, Admiral Márquez, would lead La Segunda Gran Armada to Newfoundland, obliterate the U.S. navy, and deploy Mexico's elite Jaguar Force to quell the insurgency. On 30 July 2007, La Segunda Gran Armada left Mexican-occupied New Orleans bound for the rich cod schools which Basque fishermen had first discovered nearly five hundred years previously.


This battle was quite boring, despite the fact that over 70,000 Yankees died. This is because the Gringos were entirely obliterated within a half an hour. It was pretty much just the Zanzibar War at sea. The Americans, ill-prepared for the new breed of guerrilla seafaring warfare brought by Admiral Márquez, were caught completely off guard and proved very easy to kill. A thoroughly unbalanced battle, it humbled the U.S. Navy, making US ports popular for pirates and allowing Chinese sailors to conquer Alaska, Hawaii, Oregon, and Washington, which they quickly ceded to Mexico for $1.50.

Strangely, Bush lackey Karl Rove somehow managed to survive, and swam all the way back to Washington. Without his corruption, however, Washington, D.C. had become a moral and God-fearing city. Vowing to stop this, he initiated Operation: Hammer, a plan to restore Satanic Republican leaders to power in Congress.